Evanescent
by writergal24
Summary: Lily Evans was a dreamer until she discovered that her reality is crazier than any dream she could ever have. In a time of war and passion and grief and nostalgia, as Lily's final year at Hogwarts slowly passes by, one night spent with a certain Head Boy could change all of Lily's plans. James/Lily. AU-ish.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: As much as I am in love with all of these characters, I'm just borrowing them from the fabulous Jo Rowling.**

 _Prologue_

"Lily Evans. There's something I need to ask you."

Lily turned her head quickly and her eyebrows furrowed. "Oi?" she called back.

James Potter was standing on a table in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common Room, gathering quite a few looks from the people around him. Potter was short and slim, only thirteen-years-old, with dark hair and thick, square glasses, but he had a smirk that drew him quite a bit of attention. Potter's three best friends – Remus, Sirius, and Peter – stood a few feet behind him, snickering. The four boys had recently taken to calling themselves the "Marauders," which Lily thought gave them a bit more credit than they deserved.

"Evans," James continued, "I think you're extremely fit."

Lily felt all of the blood in her body rise to her cheeks. Her friend Marlene McKinnon grabbed her arm, though Lily wasn't sure if that act was supposed to be reassuring or restraining. Lily was busy wondering if the couch would be so kind as to swallow her whole.

"In fact, I think we're soul mates." James smirked, and looked around approvingly at the crowd he had gathered. "So, I want you to be my girlfriend. Eh, Evans? What do you think?"

What did she think? Oh, there were a lot of things that Lily thought, some of which she wasn't too keen on saying out loud, especially with several older students watching them and laughing at them. Lily stood up and practically stomped over to the table, her red ponytail shaking back and forth as she walked. She roughly pulled James down off of the table. "Is this a joke, Potter? Because it's not funny."

"It's no joke," he laughed. "Every Potter man marries a red-headed lady, and I think _you_ are my red-headed lady."

"No," Lily said, feeling her face flush again.

James raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure? I've been told that I am quite a catch." He winked at her.

"Potter, there is no way… I do not want to go out with you."

"But I was romantic," he protested, still smiling.

Lily scoffed. "That was not romantic! That was embarrassing!" She took one more look at the boy, and then she pushed past him and ran up the stairs to the girls' dormitory, knowing that he couldn't follow her there. Of course, her retreat to her room didn't do anything to hide the whispers that she could practically feel being passed around Gryffindor Tower, making a name for Lily Evans before she had really gotten the chance to do so herself.

For the next month, Lily avoided James at whatever cost, even if it meant spending Potions paired up with a Slytherin whose snide comments about her blood purity (or lack thereof) made her feel extremely uncomfortable. James tried to talk to her, maybe he even wanted to apologize, but she never gave him the chance. Then they went home for Christmas vacation, and when they came back, it seemed that both had decided to forget about the event. Without ever mentioning it again, they went back to being on amiable terms – most of the time, at least.

The only thing that had changed was that when James annoyed her now, instead of ignoring him as she used to do, Lily had taken to yelling at him, and quite loudly. It was as though everything he did wrong reminded her of the time he had embarrassed her, even if they never mentioned the event. And he yelled right back at her. Over time, the other Gryffindors learned that a bicker between Lily and James in the afternoon almost certainly meant an explosion by nightfall, and they learned to avoid the Common Room on these days.

Two years later, on a spring afternoon, James would ask her out again, once again in front of all of her friends, all of his friends, and a bunch of strangers. And she would say no and yell at him. That time, it took even longer for her to forgive him.

Two more years, and their bloodshot eyes would meet across the dark Common Room.

 **Well, hello there. I just have what will hopefully be a short A/N so you know what you're getting yourself into with this story. It won't exactly be canon, but it won't really be non-canon either... What I mean by that is that we don't _really_ know what James and Lily's final year at Hogwarts was like, but some of the things in this story won't exactly be grounded in evidence from the books, shall we say. But stick around, it should be a fun ride.**

 **Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!**

 **~writergal24**


	2. Chapter 2

**Since that prologue was barely a chapter...**

Lily Evans supposed that she had been somewhat of a dreamer as a child. She and her sister would develop elaborate fantasies and spend hours acting them out. But when she was nine, she met Severus, and he told her about a reality – her reality – that was crazier than anything she could ever dream. From that day on, Lily became much more a realist, as she dealt with impacts of this astounding realization, and all of the astounding moments that came after it.

When Lily woke up, she wasn't aware of much, but she knew that she had not had a single dream the night before. She was surprised when she opened her eyes to find that she was lying in her bed in her dormitory, just like she would be on any other morning.

The surprise was instantly replaced by a pounding headache.

Lily groaned loudly.

"Awake, are you?" a voice called from the other side of the room.

"What the bloody hell…" Lily tried to say, but her voice was hoarse. (Her breath also tasted horrifically disgusting.) She pulled her blankets back over her head to hide from the light. Her body was sore and heavy, her muscles tight and exhausted. It was like everything hurt – especially her head.

Lily heard very loud footsteps approaching her bed and then the voice said, "Here, drink this."

Lily peeked back out and laboriously took the flask from Marlene, who was looking at her with a mix of amusement and concern. Lily took a long sip of the potion. It tasted of pineapple and bubble gum. Instantly, she felt some of the color return to her cheeks and her headache began to subside.

"Better?" Marlene asked.

"Loads." Lily pushed some stray locks out of her eyes. "What happened last night?"

It was the first time that Lily had ever asked that question. It was the first time she had ever woken up and not known what she had done the night before. Sure, there had been a couple of times in the past when Lily had gotten a little bit too drunk off of Firewhiskey at a party, but it had never been like this before.

"That's a really good question," Marlene responded, turning on her heel and flouncing back to her bed, her short blonde hair reflecting the sunlight that streamed through the windows.

Lily sat up and took another sip of the potion Marlene had given her. "What do you mean?"

Marlene sat down on her bed and looked at Lily. "You crawled up the staircase at four in the morning, hours after the rest of us had gone to bed. You were giggling like an insane person, and you wouldn't tell us what and possibly who you'd been off doing. I was quite impressed."

Lily thought back, but could remember absolutely none of this. The last thing she really remembered was talking to Remus on the couch about something… but that couldn't have been much later than 11. After that – only snippets of laughter, a hand (whose hand?) touching hers, touching her, dark hallways that made her dizzy. "Wait, what do you mean _who_ I'd been off doing?"

Marlene laughed, then stopped when she saw how upset Lily was getting. "Um, maybe you should wait till Elizabeth gets back and ask her." Marlene started fussing with the sheets on her bed.

"Mar, please."

Marlene took a deep breath. "Elizabeth says that the last time she saw you, you were leaving the Common Room."

"With who?" Lily braced herself for the worst possible answer.

"With James," Marlene said softly.

And right there, sitting in her bed, still half-dressed in the clothes she had worn the night before and with a still throbbing headache, Lily had just gotten the worst possible answer.

* * *

If Lily had had it her way, she would have spent the next week playing the Avoid-James-Potter game. It wouldn't have been the first time, either. She had played it a few times before during fifth year after some of their larger fights. It wasn't really a fun game because Potter had this way of detecting her from across the castle (Lily suspected he might have a bloodhound hidden in his room), and she hardly ever won. But after confirming with Elizabeth that she had seen Lily and James leaving the common room (and that Elizabeth had only had one drink and wasn't insane and that she'd tried to go after them), Lily was ready to start playing again.

Unfortunately, there was a new obstacle that hadn't existed in fifth year.

Never had Lily hated Dumbledore more than she hated him that week for having made James Potter Head Boy.

Lily had been fine when she had first found out that James was her co-Head. She had to admit that he had made a lot of improvement over sixth year, but she was still a bit surprised by Dumbledore's decision. The boy probably held some record for the highest number of detentions in a single Hogwarts career. But Lily tried her best to give him a chance at proving that he could be a good Head Boy and set a good example.

He had been pretty good about it so far. He was very good about staying on top of patrols and getting the Prefects to run their patrols. He made it to every meeting, even around Quidditch practices. He still got a couple of detentions (which was probably new for a Head Boy), but he seemed to be doing a pretty good job. Lily didn't even dread the time they spent patrolling every week. When Potter was being rational enough, they were able to have some really interesting conversations, especially given their vastly different perspectives.

But after "that night," Lily never wanted to look at him again.

He might remember more than she did about what had happened between them – _if_ she really had left the Common Room with him, and _if_ they had actually stayed out together until four in the morning. He might know what had happened. He might be expecting something from her. He might make fun of her.

Lily was also pretty much ready to never have alcohol again in her life.

But when they set out from the Gryffindor Common Room on Monday night, Potter didn't seem to be acting differently at all. He was acting like this was a normal patrol, like nothing had changed between them.

Still, Lily had to make sure. So after they had been walking for a few minutes, she said as casually as possible, "You did a really good job during Saturday's game." Her heart was racing.

"Oh, thanks. Did you like that last minute goal?" Potter smirked. He was always most smug when talking about his Quidditch skills.

"Yeah, it was okay. It was really O'Ryan's dive for the snitch that stole the game, but I mean…" Lily teased uneasily. "Did you go to the party on Saturday night?"

Potter gave her a strange look. "'Course I did."

"Oh."

"You didn't see me?"

"I-I don't remember," Lily said.

"Wait, you don't remember, or you _don't remember_?" James asked. When Lily's only response was her cheeks turning as pink as the roses Hagrid grew, James smiled. "Whoa, call the Daily Prophet, Head Girl Evans got so pissed at a party that she can't remember what happened. This is big news."

"Oh, shut it." Lily tried her best to stare straight forward, but she knew her cheeks were turning redder and redder.

Potter laughed, and his laugh echoed through the empty halls. "Relax, Evans, I don't remember that night either."

Lily looked back at him. "You don't?"

Potter shook his head.

"At all?"

"Not really. Why?"

"I just… never mind," Lily said. She pulled open the doors to a cupboard they were passing and was all too relieved to find a couple of fourth-years sticking their tongues down each other's throats.

* * *

Lily didn't really want to give up the topic, but she didn't see what else she could really do about it, and if Potter didn't care, was there merit to her caring? Still, she had trouble focusing on her homework that night as she wondered what could have happened.

"Hey Lils," Elizabeth said, throwing her stuff down onto the chair next to Lily's. Lily had almost forgotten that she was sitting in the middle of the library, and she sat up straight, trying to make it look like she had been doing work.

"Hey. Oh, uh, how did your meeting with McGonagall go?"

Elizabeth frowned. "Not well. Apparently with the way my grades have been going, my career options are going to be limited to putting wands on the shelf at Ollivander's and driving the Knight Bus."

Elizabeth really was very pretty, even when she was that upset. Her eyes were a shocking blue that popped especially against her dark, curly hair. She was even more beautiful when she was laughing, though. Her laugh was one of her favorite qualities about herself, especially her ability to laugh at herself. Lily admired that about her. Lily had trouble laughing at herself.

"Aw, Beth, you'll figure something out, I'm sure. Plus, working at Ollivander's sounds like an awesome job no matter what you're doing," Lily said.

"But my sister works at the Ministry! My parents are going to be so disappointed!"

"No, they won't. They're going to support you in whatever you decide to do." Lily was being completely truthful here. She'd stayed over at Elizabeth's house multiple times, and Beth's parents were some of the nicest people she knew. "If it would help, I could give you some extra Potion lessons, too."

Elizabeth looked up at Lily, her blue eyes shining. "Could you? Oh, Lily, that would be bloody amazing."

"Yeah, I mean, we'll have to do some schedule-comparing to find time, but I'm sure we could make something work. But really, don't stress. You'll figure it all out."

"Thanks, Lily! You're the best!" Elizabeth gave her friend a quick hug and practically ran out of the library, earning a hush from Madame Pince because apparently her shoes were too loud.

Lily stared after her for a few long, silent moments.

"Ain't that just the darnedest thing?"

Lily jumped and turned to find Potter lurking in between two bookshelves, a book in his hand, but he was clearly not paying an ounce of attention to it. He had one of those looks that scared Lily, but she wasn't really sure why.

"Spying again? I thought you had stopped doing that," Lily chastised lightly.

"Not spying, accidentally overhearing. And I couldn't just walk away from that beautiful scene without telling you how much I admire you for that valiant sacrifice. Lily Evans should be christened a saint right now." His joking tone didn't reach his eyes. Yes, that's why it scared Lily. His eyes were hard.

"Shut it, Potter," Lily said, picking up her quill.

Potter walked around her table so he was standing behind her. "Evans, you were sitting here forty-five minutes ago when I got here, and you haven't even finished a paragraph. I think you should give up."

"And how much work have you gotten done?" Lily snapped. "Why should I take advice on essays from someone who doesn't even write essays?"

"I write essays."

"Hardly."

"Your lack of faith in me is simply horrendous. I'd expect more from my co-Head."

Lily smacked her books down on her desk and stood up so that she was staring him in the eyes and his eyes _still didn't look like he was joking_.

"You know what, Potter?"

A hush came from Madame Pince's desk.

Lily wasn't even screaming though.

"I think I will go back to my room. Right now."

"Have fun. Don't think about me too much," Potter said, still smiling.

Lily turned and packed her bag furiously. She gave Potter one last, unhappy smile and then set off through the library.

"Wait, Evans!" Potter called softly. When Lily stopped and turned impatiently, he continued. "Have you heard the rumor that we snuck out of the castle and went to France this weekend?"

Lily froze. Literally. She could feel the cold blood sliding through her veins, and it seemed from the lack of beating coming from her heart that soon there would be no blood in her veins. She looked up at Potter and sucked in every ounce of everything she had. "That's absolutely ridiculous."

Potter smiled, and his eyes relaxed. "That's what I said. Seems like some of the gossipers around here have finally gone off the deep end. As if you would ever go to Paris with me."

Lily examined his face for a moment, but couldn't understand what she saw there. Was it hope? Was it disbelief? Was it all a joke? Did he know something? Finally, she just said, "Yeah. As if. See you tomorrow." And then she left.


	3. Chapter 3

Lily didn't brood over the Potter issue for much longer. There were many other issues that took precedence in her mind over the next few weeks – issues that were much more important than whatever James Potter thought of her or what other people thought of them or what she thought of him…

Because Hogwarts wasn't the happy place it had once been. When she was young, just being at Hogwarts made Lily want to smile and skip and have fun. But it just wasn't that way anymore. Maybe it was just that she had grown up, but Lily suspected that it had more to do with the war.

The war. Few were calling it a war yet, but even though Lily had never been in a war before, she knew that this was one. And she knew that the way things were – with the disappearances, the threats, the attack here and there – would be nothing compared to what would come if they couldn't bring Voldemort down soon. She knew there would be fighting, and even though she was only seventeen and she was too young or whatever, she knew that she would be involved in the fighting.

The threat of Voldemort was too close to Lily. He was threatening her. He was threatening her friends. He was threatening her dad.

Lily had lost her mum the year before to disease. She couldn't lose her dad. She had to protect her dad.

* * *

One night, Lily returned to the dormitory with Elizabeth, Briseida Cornfoot, and Mary MacDonald after dinner to find Marlene sitting next to her bed, clutching her stomach, with silent tears streaming down her face.

Lily dropped to the floor beside her friend and grabbed her trembling hand. "What's wrong?"

"K-Kat-"

Lily wrapped her arms around Marlene. She knew that Marlene's older sister Katherine had just become an Auror a month ago, and Marlene was extremely worried about it, especially with the war going on. "What happened?"

Marlene took deep breaths, trying to find the strength to explain.

Elizabeth, who had also sat down, picked up a piece of paper that was crumbled by the foot of Marlene's bed. She looked over it. "But Lene, your mum just says that Katherine's going to Paris for the weekend."

Marlene shook her head and took several more breaths. "We aren't allowed to write about what she's doing, because the Auror department is worried about infiltrations," she said in a shaky, hoarse voice. She pushed her short hair back. "But my mom told me that she'd make up a vacation to let me know when Kat was going out into the field for the first time."

By now, all of the girls were crowded around Marlene, looking at her with concerned eyes.

"Marlene," Briseida said finally, her dark eyes locking on Marlene's. "Katherine is going to be fine. It's her first time in the field. The older Aurors will protect her. And besides, this is Katherine we're talking about."

The other girls smiled lightly as they remembered the force that was Katherine. She had been Head Girl just a few years ago, and all of the girls had admired her.

Marlene sniffled and shrugged.

Mary handed her a tissue. "She'll be fine."

"I just wish I could be out there with her…" Marlene said, and then blew her nose loudly.

Lily grabbed her hand again. "We will be. Soon. But for now, we can't do anything to help her. So we just have to get ready for that day."

Marlene nodded softly. "You're all right, of course. Alright, group hug?"

The other girls all giggled, and then jumped on top of her. Lily, who was in the way, got squished between somebody's head and somebody's arse, and there were brown locks in her eyes and a knee in her stomach, but she didn't care. These were her best friends, her sisters.

* * *

As much as Lily tried not to show it over the next few days, she frequently felt a knot in her stomach over worrying about Katherine. This left her in a strange situation where she wanted to be around Marlene to comfort her, but she also felt somewhat dishonest when she assured Marlene that her sister would be fine. How _could_ she really know that?

So Lily threw herself into her work and her Head duties, and often frequented the library. Not that this was unusual – Lily loved the Hogwarts library. When she needed to get quiet work done, she often found that being in the library helped her to focus better.

Of course, sometimes classmates who seemed intent on not allowing her to complete her work joined her. She wasn't sure why Sirius Black, for example, ever visited the library when she had hardly ever seen the boy read a textbook or write an assignment. He was very bright, she was sure – he had made it into a few NEWT classes and always seemed to be able to perform when called upon in class – but dedication and effort were definitely not his strengths.

One evening as Lily, Peter, and Remus were discussing a History of Magic assignment, Sirius felt the need to offer his opinion on all of the magical events in all of magic history, despite the fact that he had not taken History of Magic since he received poor on his OWL.

Lily usually didn't mind History of Magic, but with everything that was going on – Katherine, Sirius, life – she felt so much more frustrated than usual, and spent a significant period of time complaining. "How is any of this going to help us defeat Voldemort?" she finally exclaimed, dropping her quill.

The boys stared at her for a moment, and then exchanged glances with each other. "Well, sometimes it can be helpful to learn from the past…" Remus muttered.

"Right, the wonderful history of wizards in which we became more and more obsessed with blood purity – that's really important to learn about." Lily sighed and she could feel the heat in her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… We should just get our work done."

"No, you're right," Peter said quickly.

"It's something we've been thinking about a lot lately," Remus told her. "We're just not really sure what we can do about it."

Sirius put his hand on top of Lily's hand. His eyes were sad. "I'm sorry my family is full of tossers. It's really all their fault."

"Oh, Sirius, that's not something for you to be sorry about…" Lily started

"Don't even try, Lily. We have this argument with him every day," Peter said.

Lily frowned, but she was sure it was true. She herself had argued with Sirius about not feeling guilty about his parents on several occasions.

"Anyway…" Remus continued. "We have been thinking about how useful our classes really are when there's a war going on. Couldn't they be teaching us more about how to fight or how to protect ourselves even? It's… it's quite frustrating, really."

"I know," Lily agreed. "I just… I want to feel like I'm getting ready. We're only going to be here for a couple more months."

Sirius nodded. "Then we lose the safety of Hogwarts."

Lily almost scoffed, thinking about all of the less-than-safe things that had happened during her time at Hogwarts. But he was right – they were protected at Hogwarts in a way that they probably never would be again.

She sighed again and glanced down at her homework again. "Where's your ring leader, anyway?"

Sirius sat up straighter, obviously bothered by her question. "If you're referring to James, he's at quidditch, but he is not our leader."

"I just meant-"

"No, but everyone thinks that James is in charge or something. If anyone was in charge, it would be Pete here." Sirius jabbed his thumb at the boy.

Peter rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut it, Sirius."

"That's a compliment, Pete," Sirius argued.

"No, you're just teasing," Peter replied, looking quite frustrated with his friend.

"Ok, fine, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it," Lily said with a laugh.

"I think everyone's just a little bit too on edge lately…" Remus said quietly, picking up his quill again. "Alright, Sirius, we really should get this done."

Sirius coughed. "Right, okay." He stood up. "I shall see you all later." He bowed, grabbed his bag, and left the library.

The remaining trio did their best to settle back down and finish up their assignment, but after the diversion, it seemed harder to focus. After they had completed most of it, Lily gave up and retreated back to her bedroom, resolved to finish the assignment in the morning. There was only so much brainpower she could be expected to have in one night, she figured. There was only so much that she could do.

 **Hello, lovely readers. I'm super excited about all of the wonderful feedback that I have gotten so far, and thank you all so much for reading, following, reviewing, and more. I'm sorry there was such a long gap between chapters... I forgot how much work college really is when I decided I was going to put the story up. I'm going to try to have at least one update a month (with varying breaks based on how much other work I have and how much editing the chapter needs), but we'll see how that goes.**

 **Thanks again for reading, and I hope to hear from you all again soon!**

 **~writergal24**


	4. Chapter 4

It was late November already, and the air was getting crisper by the day. Soon the Hogwarts grounds would be covered in layers of snow. The Gryffindor girls (and most of the students, to be honest) tried to make the most of the time they had left until this would happen. They spent many hours lying lazily by the lake or taking a walk around it, or even doing homework under their favorite trees.

One Tuesday afternoon when all of them somehow managed to not have class at the same time, they decided to go for a walk, even though it was clearly too cold out to be doing this. They bundled up in their cloaks and scarves and mittens, and headed out.

"Remember when we were first years…" Mary said as she kicked through a huge pile of leaves.

"Stop being so sentimental," Briseida complained. "Can we save that for the spring at least?"

Mary fell back into the pile. "But first year was so much fun."

"No future to worry about," Marlene added, throwing some leaves at Briseida.

"No boy problems," Elizabeth said.

"No war." Lily sat down in the leaves softly and starting pulling one to pieces with her pale fingers.

All of the girls were silent for a long, long moment.

"Speaking of boys, should I be looking for a date to Hogsmeade this weekend?" Marlene asked.

Mary leaned over and pulled a leaf out of her hair. "Can we not? Dates are stupid. Boys are stupid."

Mary's three-month relationship with Griffen Boyd had ended a month ago and she had since decided to swear off love.

"I second that," Lily said.

"I don't think I can get out of going with Marc. But I'll be with you all in spirit," Elizabeth said.

Mary made a face at her.

"Bri?"

"Well, erm, I actually have a date… with Henry MacDougal."

"What?" the other girls exclaimed.

Briseida flushed. "It's not like I like him or anything, but he asked me and I felt really bad saying no. It's just one date."

Mary shook her head. "I'm so disappointed in you."

Briseida flicked her wand and a stream of crumpled leaves shot at Mary. "Stop. It's not a big deal."

"I think you guys will be cute together," Beth said, sticking her tongue out at Mary.

There was some more leaf-fighting, and Lily lay back and watched her friends attack each other. As much as she hated sentimentality, too, and as much as she knew that leaving Hogwarts wouldn't mean she was leaving them, she was going to miss this.

* * *

After Elizabeth and Briseida left for their dates that Saturday (after Mary made a lot of snarky comments at them), the remaining three girls wandered around Hogsmeade as though there was going to be a new store there that they had never noticed in their last four years of exploring Hogsmeade. They went in and out of a couple stores. They bought a bit of candy at Honeydukes, though all of the girls knew that they had a candy supply stocked up in their room that was large enough to hold them over for the rest of the year.

After a bit, they found out that one of the seventh year Hufflepuffs had brought a picnic blanket and that most of their year was hanging out on or around it over near the Shrieking Shack, so they went over there to see what was going on.

It really did seem like the entire year was there. A bunch of Hufflepuffs were lying on the picnic blanket, right next to the big collection of food that had been set up. Ravenclaws were sitting in the shade talking. Martin Shelsher was sitting against the base of a large oak tree, playing his guitar. The Mauraders were standing off to one side, talking to some Hufflepuff girls, who were laughing at something that was evidently very funny. Briseida and her date Henry were hanging out by the side, and Lily even spotted a couple of the Slytherins who didn't have their noses up their asses.

There were some notable absences - those who had decided to stop associating with some of their classmates as the war had worsened, and those who had left Hogwarts with increasing frequency over the last few months. As Head Girl, Lily had a stronger sense of this. Four students in seventh year alone had not returned from summer holidays.

But Lily and her friends were not thinking about that as they walked through the group and greeted their classmates and friends.

"Hey, Lily," a voice said from behind her, and she turned to find that it was Benjamin Davis, a Ravenclaw who Lily had had a bit of a pathetic crush on third year. But she had gotten over that, and a year later her first kiss had been with his best friend, Neil.

"Oh, hey, Ben. How's your year been going so far?"

He smiled. "Other than losing to Gryffindor, pretty well." Ben was a Beater for Hufflepuff. He had had a pretty good game, as far as Lily remembered, but he usually wasn't the best Quidditch player on the field. "How about yours?"

Lily shrugged. "You know, busy. I can't believe it's our last year already."

"Right?" he said. He looked around. "Merlin, as much as I've wanted to get out of here sometimes, I'm really going to miss this place."

"You've wanted to get out of here?" Lily asked, surprised. She'd never heard anyone say that about Hogwarts.

Ben looked back at her. "I get kind of claustrophobic here sometimes. And I'm ready to be done with school, you know? I'm ready to actually get things done. Get a job, a family…" He gave a small shrug.

"Huh," Lily said, honestly interested. She had never felt trapped at Hogwarts. Maybe it was because she was a Muggle-born. Ben was a half-blood, so he didn't have to return to a home where he was stuck in a world that wasn't his. He had one Muggle parent, but at least he had his Mum and siblings who understood him.

And the danger factor. Lily hardly ever thought about a job anymore. Her chances of getting a job in the wizarding world had been severely slimmed by the prejudices and fears surrounding the world, and she could not get a job in the Muggle world – she would not be able to handle that. She couldn't spend more of her life hiding who she was.

No, Lily knew exactly what she would be doing once she graduated. No matter what she told McGonagall about wanting to brew potions for medical usage and such, she knew that, until this war was over, she was going to be fighting.

"We should hang out some time," Ben said, bringing her back to reality. "You know, before we graduate and never see each other again."

Lily laughed softly. "Yeah, definitely."

"Great. See you in Herbology."

Just as Ben turned away, Lily felt a slight tug at her scarf, and it began to unwind itself from around her neck. "Potter…" she groaned, and turned around to see that she was right. Her scarf had unwound itself completely and, in a flash of gold and red, was now flying towards James Potter, who stood there with a smirk on his face.

Lily sighed and walked over. "Hey, Potter. You cold?"

"No, I just wanted to talk to you," he replied, playing with her scarf.

Lily reached out and grabbed it back. "A normal person would have come up to me and said, 'Hi, Lily, how's your day going?'"

James shrugged.

"Alright, what do you want to talk about?"

"Davis," he said, jerking his chin towards Ben, who was now looking through the food for something to eat.

Lily laughed hardly. "Why?" But she really already knew why.

"I don't like him."

"Wow, that is surprising. James Potter doesn't like a boy that I was talking to."

James made a face. "He's kind of a flake."

"He was just talking to me about how he can't wait to get out of Hogwarts so that he can settle down and have a family," she replied.

"Did I say flake? I meant he was totally overbearing."

Lily snatched her scarf back and wrapped it around her neck. "Sure. Potter, I'm allowed to talk to boys, because we aren't dating, and even if we were, which we never will, I would still be able to talk to boys, because you don't control me. And don't even try and make me look like some kind of bad guy or slag or whatever, because I saw you over there flirting with Sameena not two minutes ago."

James raised an eyebrow. "Sameena? I was not flirting with Sameena." He laughed as though the idea was ridiculous.

"Might want to tell her that," Lily replied. Sameena Jadhav was one of the most universally liked and respected Hufflepuffs at Hogwarts, probably because she was quite beautiful, with gorgeous black hair and kind eyes. Lily had heard rumors that she had decided she wanted a real boyfriend, and that she had her eyes on James. So even if James truly had not considered it to be flirting, she probably had.

"But you were looking over at me?" James asked, waggling his eyebrows at her.

Lily swatted him lightly. "Oi, Remus!" she called, and Potter's whole crew turned around. "Where's Potter's leash? He's being bad again."

"For once it's not me who needs to be put on a leash," Sirius replied.

Remus simply shook his head, amused. "Come on, James."

James made a face at all of them and then walked back towards his friends, and Lily disappeared quickly into the crowd in search of her own, so that when James turned around, he couldn't find her.

* * *

It was insanity, it was busy every minute, it was too much homework to ever get any sleep, but Lily loved it. Hogwarts may not have been the oasis that it had once been, but it was still Lily's home.

But just after Lily had gotten back in to the swing of things, just as she was started to let herself go and really enjoy her final year at Hogwarts (with all the sentimentality that came with that), she began to realize something that brought the issue of "What happened with Potter that night?" right back in her face. There was no putting it off anymore. Lily had to deal with it immediately.

And there was only one way to find out exactly what had happened.

* * *

 **A/N: (I don't usually write A/N but I've noticed that isn't bolding things correctly... or at least they don't look bolded on my laptop)**

 **Anyway, that was a fast update! I got really excited, so... Something big is coming up in the next chapter, so get excited!**

 **As always, thanks for reading.**

 **xoxo -writergal24**


	5. Chapter 5

"Professor Slughorn," Lily said as she walked up to him after class. Her classmates were starting to shuffle out of the room, off to the next boring class.

A huge smile settled on the man's lips and he pulled at the robes that struggled to cover his whale-sized body. "Yes, m'dear?"

"Well, I was wondering if you might have a Pensieve that I could borrow. There are some things I'm having trouble recalling, and I thought it would be an extremely interesting experience."

Slughorn let out a hearty laugh. "Of course I do! How do you think I remember anything? But don't tell me your memory is going already, dear girl, you're only seventeen!" His massive stomach shook as he chuckled. "Now, I'm not sure I should be letting students use it, and I wouldn't tell this to anyone else, but, er, if you come in during dinner tonight, I won't be here, and you'll find it in that cabinet right there. I assume you know how to use one?"

Lily smiled. "Yes. Thank you, Professor."

And for the rest of the day, Lily once more braced herself for the worst possible answer. She sincerely hoped she was wrong about what she would see when she looked down into that basin.

* * *

When it was time for dinner, Lily told her friends that she would meet up with them in the Great Hall in a bit, but that she had some Head Girl stuff to take care of first. They rolled their eyes at her a bit, but didn't question it any further.

That was good. Lily didn't have any follow-up lies.

She pulled her red hair back into a tight ponytail, checked her robes in the mirror, and slipped out of the dormitory. Though she wasn't sure she was actually doing anything wrong, Lily felt like she had to be secretive on the way down to the dungeons. So she took the long way, avoiding the hallways and staircases that she knew would be full of students headed down to the Great Hall.

When she arrived at Slughorn's room, she opened up the cabinet that Slughorn had pointed to. She took the Pensieve out of the cabinet and placed it on a table. Then she pulled her wand out of her back pocket and ran her hand over it nervously. Looking down at it, she silently sent out gratitude to whatever force had given her this opportunity… Lily shook her head. "What am I doing?" she whispered aloud. Why was she being so dramatic? This was probably nothing to get worked up over.

(She hoped.)

The air was dank and heavy as Lily put her wand to her temple and thought about the memory she needed.

 _She needed that night. With Potter. Just that night._

And it came, spinning out of her mind in a long strand of blue magic, following her wand into the Pensieve. The memory filled the basin, and she saw her own face spinning at the bottom.

Lily took a deep breath, stuck her wand back into her pocket, and lowered her head.

Suddenly, Lily was back in the Gryffindor Common Room, but there were strange clouds and shadows in places there shouldn't have been clouds and shadows. The memory was dark – not quite black and white, just dark and dim.

Lily looked around and saw all of her classmates, laughing, flirting, snogging. Peter and Remus were sitting on one couch, Sirius was chatting with Elizabeth over there, some fourth years were lying on the ground in front of the fire, but they seemed to be conscious, so that was good.

And there was her – Lily. Her hair had been pulled out of its bun so that it actually looked like a ring of fire surrounding her head. Lily saw where Potter got the idea now. Her clothes were rumpled, and as Lily approached herself (which was strange), she saw that her eyes were red and unfocused on the scene.

And speaking of Potter, she was talking to him. They were standing by the punch bowl, but neither was filling the empty glasses they held. They were just talking.

"It's really funny that you're Head Girl," Lily was saying.

"Head Boy," James corrected, guffawing.

"Right! I'm Head Girl!"

James touched her arm. "You look way too fit to be Head Girl."

The memory Lily had too many buttons on her shirt unbuttoned.

"Have you been to Paris, James?"

"Of course, I was there right before my dad died," James said, not looking upset whatsoever.

"Let's go to Paris." Memory Lily had a huge smile on her face.

Well, at least Lily knew where that rumor came from then.

Real Lily watched in horror as the Memory her grabbed James Potter's fucking arm and dragged him out of the Gryffindor Common Room. Real Lily stood there dumbfounded for a few moments, and then followed them, noticing that a few people were staring at the hole where the pair had just vanished.

Real Lily had to run to catch up with the memories, but luckily they were being quite loud. Lily kept asking if they were in Paris yet. It seemed that James was leading the way now.

Finally Potter pulled them to a stop in front of a stone wall. "Okay, I need to concentrate really hard now, be quiet for a minute."

Memory Lily started bouncing up and down impatiently, as Potter paced in front of the wall several times, stopping every once and a while to stare at the wall with frustrated eyes. Just when Memory Lily (and Real Lily) was starting to get really, really impatient, something completely unexpected happened.

The wall split in two, revealing an old oak door, raw at the edges, with a large black handle. Potter grabbed said handle, and held the door open for Lily, who stumbled through. Real Lily walked through, too.

They were now standing in a good-sized room with a blanket laid on the ground and a picnic basket on top. There was also a hammock, and the walls were painting an annoying shade of blue (Lily could tell even though she couldn't really see the shade). Still, it was kind of dark in the room, though there was a chance it was just the memory doing that.

Memory Lily's face lit up and she skipped around the blanket. Then she turned back to Potter. "We're having a picnic in Paris?" she exclaimed.

"Whatever makes you happy," Potter said, a loopy grin on his face. He walked over to the hammock and sprawled himself onto it. "This was a nice touch," he murmured, but Memory Lily ignored him. She was digging through the picnic basket, but a few moments later, she seemed to have found nothing interesting, so she sat back on the blanket with a slight pout.

Real Lily covered her eyes for a moment. It was almost unbearable to see herself like this. How much firewhiskey had she had? It was ridiculous. And she was worried that the worst part hadn't even happened yet.

"Jamie?" Memory Lily called.

God, what in Merlin's name had caused her to call him Jamie? It was a horrible nickname.

There was no response from the hammock.

Memory Lily stumbled to her feet and walked over to the hammock. She poked James. Still no response. Real Lily would have been worried he was dead if she didn't know that he was still alive. Memory Lily started hitting his chest lightly.

Finally James sprung to life. "Wha-whe-huh?" he said, nearly falling off the hammock, and then the goofy smile settled back on his face when he saw that it was Lily and that they were alone. "Hey."

"You fell asleep," Memory Lily complained.

"Sorry," James responded.

Memory Lily examined Potter's face for a long moment. "Could you kiss me?"

Real Lily let out an audible, unintelligible shout. "No, no, no, no," she said under her breath. "No, no."

But that wasn't Potter's answer. With that goofy smile still on his face, he leaned in and kissed her softly.

Real Lily watched on in horror as the drunken pairs' embrace quickly became more and more heated. She couldn't believe that that was actually her right there, making out with _JAMES FUCKING POTTER_ , starting to pull his clothes off, falling back on to the picnic blanket. It was like a horror movie. But it was real, too real, and she knew that this was really how it had happened, no matter how much she wanted to change that.

Real Lily slunk back against the wall, curled into a ball against the cold stone wall, and covered her eyes and ears. Even that did not protect her, though. She still saw it. She still heard it.

Still felt it.

As she watched, it was as though the memory became real for her again. She wasn't just watching this girl have sex with James Potter, she was _remembering_ having sex with James Potter. It was all real, way too real. Lily didn't want to wonder if the reason that she had taken so long to remember this night was that she hadn't wanted to remember – didn't want to know what had happened.

All she wanted was for this memory to end, but she had never studied how to do that. The book she'd read had said she would just fall back out of the memory. But apparently it wasn't over yet.

It was much later when Memory James and Lily started giggling about how they should get back to Gryffindor Tower now because they wouldn't want their friends to know what happened, and they drunkenly stumbled out of the room.

A few minutes later, the memory ended and Real Lily was left sitting on Slughorn's even colder floor, tears falling from her eyes, sobs shaking her body.

The memory she had just witnessed, aside from being horrifying, disgusting, terrible, scary, shaking, angering, and fifteen hundred other adjectives that Lily couldn't have come up with, given the state she was in, it meant that her worst fear could have just been confirmed.

She really could be pregnant.

 **A/N: Well. Yeah. I'm curious to see what you all think. (And it's my birthday this week, so there's a bonus reason to review hehe.)**

 **~writergal24**


	6. Chapter 6

Lily didn't know what to do from there. She didn't know who to turn to first, who to tell. One of her friends? Potter? Lily didn't even know how witches checked to see if they were pregnant – she had never known a pregnant witch.

The next week was full of lots of running to bathrooms and breaking down as she hid in a stall.

Lily Evans had finally reached her breaking point.

She had handled bullies, lost friendships, Potter being an arse to her, her mother's death, the impending war, and so many things with at least some amount of grace and dignity.

But this? This she couldn't handle. The stress of who to tell, what would happen, EVERYTHING, was just too much. She honestly felt like she was losing her sanity. She was going to end up in St. Mungo's insane ward.

Lily didn't even know if it was true. She could still be overreacting. Her missed period could be a coincidence.

It just didn't feel like a coincidence.

* * *

When Marlene found Lily sobbing in the dormitory alone, Lily's first inclination was to make up a lie.

Lily had stayed in the room to do homework, honestly, while the rest of her friends went to get some fresh autumn air. But two minutes into her attempts at homework, she had broken down again. It was getting a little ridiculous. Lily had never felt this helpless and emotional before. She was just too stressed and too alone and too angry at herself for allowing this to happen.

Lily had only been lying there for a few minutes when Marlene returned to the room. She had been at Quidditch practice that morning – Lily had forgotten – so she hadn't been with the other girls.

And Lily just couldn't handle it alone anymore. So she pulled herself together, blew her nose loudly on the tissue Marlene handed her, and then said in a small voice, "I think I'm pregnant."

Marlene looked like she was about to faint. Her face was stone white, her eyes were as big as a house elf's, and her grasp on Lily's shoulder weakened significantly. "You think or you are? Because there's a big difference between thinking you're pregnant and being pregnant. Goddamnit, Lily, I thought you were a virgin," Marlene said, the words falling out of her mouth before she'd even comprehended what she was saying.

The tears began to leak from Lily's eyes again. "I think. I don't even know how to check."

"But, Lily, how?"

"The… T-the party," Lily sobbed.

Marlene's eyes got even wider, if that was possible. "Oh, no. James?"

Lily nodded, and she wrapped her arms tightly around her chest, as though she could hold in the sobs that wanted to break out.

Marlene was silent for a long moment, and Lily got the rest of her tears out. Finally, Marlene wrapped her arm around Lily again. "We'll figure it out, Lils. It'll be okay, I promise you. I'm here now."

"Thank you," Lily whispered, tucking her head down.

"I know how to check," Marlene said slowly. "Do you… do you want me to do it right now?"

Lily looked up at Marlene and let out a slow breath. Her sobs had begun to slow, and her mind was clearing. "Yes. Please."

Marlene nodded slowly and walked over to her bed. She pulled her wand out of her dresser and returned to Lily. "Now, I don't think this hurts, but I've never actually had it done on me so…" Marlene shook her head. "Alright, here we go…" She waved her wand around Lily's stomach.

A puff of purple smoke popped out of Marlene's wand.

Lily looked at her friend. "What does that mean?"

Marlene put her wand in her pocket and looked into Lily's eyes. "You're pregnant."

Lily nodded slowly. "Thanks."

"Yeah," Marlene murmured, her eyes trailing away to the window that had been left open. It was still a sunny day outside, and their friends were probably outside enjoying the sun and the warmth while it lasted. The crispness of the air reminded them all that soon the days would arrive where they would see their breath in their air before them.

And inside, Lily and Marlene hugged. But Lily didn't cry anymore, because she'd gotten two of her issues out of the way: she had told _somebody_ and now she knew for sure.

Yet something in the back of her mind warned that those would be two of the easiest things she would have to deal with.

* * *

One of the scariest prospects facing Lily was James Potter himself.

If it had been anyone else, this would have been a lot easier.

* * *

"Are you gonna tell him?" Marlene hissed at Lily when she excused herself from the table to go meet James for their patrol.

"I-no."

"No?" Marlene stood up and stared incredulously at her. A few stray eyes arrived at the pair.

Lily met Marlene's eyes defiantly. "This is James Potter," she hissed. "I need to make sure I can trust him first."

"And then you'll tell him?"

Lily wanted to get angry and defend her right to make her own decisions and such, but this was her best friend and Marlene looked more lovable than scary standing there with a hand on her hip and her light eyebrows raised. "Sure," Lily mumbled.

She walked over to where Potter and his crew were sitting and tapped the former on the shoulder. "Time to go," she sang in a fake-happy voice.

Sirius waggled his eyebrows as James wiped his mouth on his napkin and stood up. "Now, children," Sirius said, "If today is the day you finally decide to snog, please don't do it in the kitchens, because that's where I will be spending the night, and I really do not need to witness that."

James rolled his eyes, but Lily flushed dark red. When Lily didn't reply with a snarky remark, all four boys looked up at her and saw her blush.

James gave Sirius a _now you've done it_ look and then said, more softly, "Come on, Evans."

* * *

It was like they were playing a game, only James didn't know they were playing.

Or maybe he had just been playing the whole time.

Whatever the case, James would be nice and funny and sensitive for a few days, and Lily would start to think about telling him, and then he would screw something up, or say something horrible, and he would get knocked back a few pegs. Then telling James would fall behind killing him on Lily's to-do list.

Marlene was mad at her. "You should go tell Madame Pomfrey," she reminded Lily about five million times a day.

But Lily was too busy being stubborn to hear her.

"Are you going to Slughorn's party next week?" Lily asked one morning as she walked to Transfiguration with James.

"Of course. And I would ask if you are, but I think Slug-O would lose his pants if you didn't show, so for our good old Potion master's sake…"

Lily smiled as they hopped onto a staircase that was leaving.

"I can't believe it's Christmas already," James murmured, gesturing towards the wreath that someone had stuck on the wall.

"Me neither. Are you going home?"

James grimaced. "Kinda have to, don't I? Can't leave Mum alone…"

Lily sighed. "Been there…" She looked at a tapestry for a long moment, avoiding his eyes, and then she looked back over. "How's she doing?"

James shrugged. "I haven't seen her since summer, but from what I can tell, not as well as I hoped."

Lily watched him as he peered down a few hallways, and then gestured for them to just go straight. "And you?"

He looked right at her, and Lily felt her stomach give a small turn for some unimaginable reason. It must have been the sad look that he gave her, paired with the small, pained smile. "I'm fine."

"Fine?" Lily repeated, feeling a small smile stretching involuntarily across her lips to match James'.

"You're one to talk, Ms. Evans. I seem to remember 'fine' being one of the only words in your vocabulary last winter," he teased lightly.

"Well…"

Both of them smirked at each other, and suddenly they were laughing hysterically. Lily realized that they were still on a staircase, though they should have gotten off over two minutes ago. This just made her laugh harder. She doubled-over, her hands folded over her stomach, until she realized the significance of that and dropped her hands. She almost stopped laughing, but then James almost fell off of the staircase, and she had to grab his arm so he didn't fall over. Soon they were both sitting down on the moving staircase, unable to even look at each other because they were laughing so hard.

"You're bloody insane," Lily choked out finally.

"Well, only a true maniac would start laughing when I was trying to confess all of my feelings about my father's death."

Lily laughed a few more times, and then she looked down at James seriously. "Seriously, though, if you ever need to talk to someone who won't give you that sympathetic, you're-practically-an-orphan look, I'm here."

James stopped laughing, too. Lily wasn't sure he had ever looked as serious as when he responded, "I know. And ditto." There was a pause, and then James looked at his watch. "Seriously, though, we're three minutes late for Transfiguration, and Minnie's going to kill us."

"Oh, Merlin." Lily had completely forgotten they were even going to class. The pair jumped up and rushed up the staircase. Then they stood at the top step, bouncing with impatience as the staircase slowly swung around to the floor that they were trying to get off on. Suddenly, the air between them felt stiff and uncomfortable.

 _What had she been doing? Especially because James Potter was the father of the baby that was growing in her stomach. And he didn't even know._

And it remained awkward as they fast-walked to McGonagall's class. When they finally arrived at the classroom, they received a stern look from McGonagall and some sniggers from the Slytherins that were waiting for them.

Severus gave James a death-glare, and Lily responded with her own in his direction.

Lily had plenty more to worry about than what that git thought.

* * *

 **A/N: Let's pretend that I didn't _just_ miss getting this up on Halloween (at least, in my time). There's nothing like a good Halloween to bring all of those Jily feels back. Anyway, hope you all enjoy! I'm loving getting to hear all of your comments so far! Thanks for reading. **

**~writeragl24**


	7. Chapter 7

Slughorn's holiday party was exactly a week before Christmas – the Wednesday before the majority of the school went home. Slughorn held another party on Christmas Day itself, too, but very few people attended it because very few people were left at Hogwarts. Lily had gone to it once and she had been one of five students there, including Mary, who Lily had dragged along even though she was not invited.

Slughorn's parties were always interesting because he did not care about politics or war or anything. Slughorn cared only about money, fame, and talent, so when planning the invite lists, he unintentionally invited those who were least likely to get along. No part of him acknowledged that having Lily at the same party as pure-blood maniacs may have been a bad idea.

Lily usually found a date to bring to the Slug Club parties (usually someone who was not in the club, because she always felt bad for those people – missing out on all of that entertainment…), but this year she was just not in the mood, so she just went over with Marlene, who was in the Club.

Marlene was not happy about going, as usual with any Slug Club events. She was convinced that the only reason Slughorn had invited her into the club a few years back was that her older sister Katherine had been Slughorn's favorite student (before Lily, of course). Lily always pointed out that Marlene's whole family was pretty prominent in the wizarding world, and that Marlene was pretty good at Potions, but Marlene refused to listen to other of these pieces of logic, and she complained every time a meeting or party came around.

She complained a lot that afternoon, as the girls got ready for the party. The both wore long, floral dresses. Lily had bought hers at a Muggle shop near her house. It came in slightly at her waist, and then flowed out.

The girls passed many couples that were taking advantage of the mistletoe as they walked through the hallways to the party. "I told Potter mistletoe was a bad idea," Lily murmured. She should have talked to them (the Hogwarts administration was not too big on displays of affection in the halls), but it was Christmas, so she pretended she didn't see them.

"And you thought James Potter wouldn't want to take advantage of some of this himself?" Marlene asked, with a laugh. Her laugh cut off suddenly. "Ah, maybe not a good topic right now. Never mind."

Lily made a face. "Yeah, it's weird," she said.

They arrived at Slughorn's room, and when they walked in, they found that he had outdone even last year's decorations. The walls were glimmering. They were covered in metals and rhinestones and possibly even diamonds of all colors, so that they reflected the light that came from the candles on each table.

"Lily!" a bellowing voice called, and Lily turned to find Slughorn walking towards them, with his hands out in greeting. "And Miss McKinnon. So glad that you two could make it tonight. I think it is sure to be an interesting night."

Lily smiled. "I love the decorations, Professor," she said.

Slughorn chuckled and moved his arms around in a "What can I say?" way. Somebody else caught his eye, and he rushed over to greet them.

"It really is gorgeous in here," Marlene said, looking around.

Lily nodded. The room was full of students from all grades. Lily did not really know how there were so many people, since the Slug Club itself was not that big, and they were only supposed to bring one guest each, but Slughorn must have given up on making sure that there were not any uninvited guests in attendance.

Lily spotted James standing over in a corner, talking to Sameena, who was wearing a modern-looking sari. Sameena was not in Slug Club. Was she James' guest? Had he asked her on a date?

Lily felt disappointed somehow, but she knew the only reason that she cared was because of the situation between James and herself... which she still had not told him about. She couldn't be mad at him, really, and even if he did know, she couldn't be mad at him, and Merlin, why was she mad at him?

Was she mad at him?

Lily sighed and turned to Marlene, looking for a distraction. "Heard from Katherine lately?" she asked, because it was the first thing that popped into her mind.

"You know how to pick a good party topic," Marlene said, rolling her eyes. "Come on, let's go find some people to talk to. There must be someone here interesting."

But so far the only people that had stuck out in Lily's mind were James and Sameena, and Severus, who was now talking to Slughorn. Lily was surprised that he had shown up. Parties were not really his scene, and he usually skipped them, coming to the real meetings only. But there he was, wearing a set of slightly dressy, slightly dingy robes. It did not really matter what he wore, she supposed, because Slughorn was too in awe of his potions skills to care, and nobody else cared about him enough to notice.

Even though they had not been friends in almost two years (since the day he called her a mudblood in front of everyone, only a week before her mother passed) and had barely spoken in the last six months, Lily was still the only one that would have noticed what he was wearing.

Marlene and Lily walked around for a bit and mingled. They talked to other students, and also to some of the older witches and wizards who had returned to Hogwarts for the party. Many of them knew that Lily was Head Girl, and were interested in discussing this with her. If Lily didn't already know what her post-Hogwarts plans were, she may have been interested in networking with them.

The night was already winding down when James walked up to her. "Hey, Evans."

"Hello, Potter," she said, sounding much more cold than she had intended. His eyes narrowed in confusion (what had he done this time?), and she tried again, this time much nicer. "Enjoying the party?"

James looked around and shrugged. "Haven't been any major scenes like last year." Lily grinned. Last year had been bad. "But I guess it's okay. Bit boring for my taste."

"You here with Sameena?" she asked, and regretted it immediately.

Luckily, James did not react strangely to this question. "Yeah, she went to the loo. She should be back in a few minutes, I suppose."

"Thought you didn't like her?" Lily asked. _Merlin, why did she continue to ask stupid questions?_

"Now, I never said that, I just said I wasn't flirting with her. Sammy's cool, and I didn't have anyone else to go with…" James said, then his eyebrows knitted together. "Why am I explaining this to you? Are you jealous, Evans?"

A fierce blush rose on Lily's cheeks, which is exactly what she did not need at that moment, because she knew that James would interpret it in the wrong way. "No, I'm not…"

James smirked. "Lily Evans, are you actually jealous over me?" He held a hand to his heart, as if to see if it was still beating.

"Potter, I'm bloody not jealous, I was just curious," Lily said sharply.

He shook his head, his eyes on fire. "I don't think so."

"I am not jealous!"

"Are too."

Lily stomped her foot. "Shite, Potter, I'm not going to stand here and do this right now. I am not jealous, and if you don't believe me, well, you can just continue to live in your delusional world like you have been for years."

People were looking over at them curiously.

"Now, if you'll excuse me," Lily said, and she walked over to Marlene, grabbed her arm, and pulled her out of the room, leaving the shining walls behind them.

 **A/N: Oh, Lily. So silly.**

 **Anyway, what else would I be doing on a Friday night other than updating my ff and listening to the Hamilton the Musical soundtrack?**

 **~writergal24**


	8. Chapter 8

James certainly didn't give her much time to prepare herself mentally after the test. He knew that they both didn't have class Friday afternoons, so he latched on to her right after McGonagall dismissed them, wishing them a happy and _safe_ holiday.

"Can I least go put my books away?" Lily asked.

James took a deep breath. "Alright, how about we go back to the tower, and then you can tell me on the way down to the Great Hall, because I'm starving."

"No, Potter, you don't understand, this is something I have to tell you in private," Lily said, trying to be quiet, because Sirius, Remus, and Peter weren't too far behind them.

"Alright, so we'll go back to the tower, and figure out some place to go then."

"Alright, go tell your crew that, they're dying to hear why you are talking to me and why I'm not yelling at you yet," Lily teased.

James ignored that. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, I promise."

James made a face.

So they walked back up to the tower and put away their school stuff. Lily grabbed her cloak, though she wasn't sure if they would go outside, and when she got back down, she found that Potter had grabbed his too.

After they left the Common Room, James asked, "So I was thinking… how opposed would you be to doing something slightly illegal and completely against the rules?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "What the hell - whatever you want to do."

"I like your attitude, Evans. Alright, follow me."

Here was her sentimentality coming back, as they walked down in near silence, talking only occasionally about things like what answers they had put on the test. She wondered how her fifth year self would have reacted if she knew should one day willingly walk down to go somewhere private and illegal with James Potter. She wondered how fifth year James Potter would have reacted. Very differently than this Potter.

In fact, if it was fifth year Potter who had gotten her pregnant, she probably wouldn't be about to tell him.

Potter was leading her downstairs and outside, and they both put their coats on as they walked out the front doors. They walked for a few long moments before they arrived at the Whomping Willow, a rather large tree that had a tendency to beat people who came to near it. As a practice, Lily tended to avoid it.

"So is the illegal thing we're doing riding the tree?" Lily asked.

James laughed. "No. Give me a minute." He walked around for a few minutes until he found some rocks. He picked them up and walked back over to her. Then he started throwing rocks at the bottom of the Whomping Willow.

"Are you trying to hurt it?" Lily laughed.

"Hold on," James groaned. He seemed to be getting frustrated. Finally, as one rock hit the base of the tree, the swinging branches suddenly froze and James smirked. "Haven't done that in a while."

Lily stared at the tree, and then back at James. "Okay. I'm really confused."

"You're very annoying when you're confused."

Lily smacked him.

"Sorry. Alright, come on, let's go."

"Where?" Lily demanded.

James started walking towards the tree and he beckoned for her to follow. "Hurry up!"

Lily stared at the branches as though they were going to swing back to life, but they didn't, and when she reached the base of the tree, she found that there was a small hole, leading to a tunnel.

"I'll go first. Please follow me," James said, smiling at her. And then he jumped into the hole.

Lily was still very skeptical, but the branches seemed to be coming back to life, so she climbed into the hole.

It was a very fast slide. She was afraid she would get hurt when she came out at the bottom, but James was there to steady her when she arrived.

She dusted herself off, and then looked around. They were standing in an old, shabby looking hallway, with ugly, worn wood paneling. There were a few rooms off of the hallway, but Lily couldn't see into any of them from where she was standing. There was a window to her left, and she was surprised to see the small village of Hogsmeade through it. But one of the most disturbing parts was that along the walls, there were scratch marks, like someone had dragged the claws of a dog along them.

"Welcome to our humble abode," Potter said, holding his arms out.

Lily looked at him, still extremely confused. "What are you talking about? Is this… is this the Shrieking Shack?"

"Yeah, you could call it that."

"Our? As in you and your friends?"

James nodded, amused.

"And the screams… Is this where Remus comes?" Lily said, her eyebrows scrunched as she thought through it all.

James' lips tightened. "I figured you knew. Remus never thought you did, but I told him you were too smart to not figure it out. But yeah, everything you just said, it's right. Oh, except you forgot about the bachelor's pad."

Lily raised her eyebrows.

"We set up a bachelor's pad downstairs."

"But wouldn't he destroy it?" Lily questioned.

James smiled. "Let's just say it's pretty much a non-issue. But we have a Remus-proof door just in case." He walked up to one of the doors and said, "Alohomora." The door popped open. "After you."

Lily laughed at him and walked through the door, down the staircase that creaked beneath her feet with every step. "Sure this is safe?"

"Absolutely, this place is like my fourth home."

When they reached the bottom of the steps, Lily was surprised to see that the place was actually fairly well cleaned up. The wood was still old and scratched, but the boys had somehow managed to get new, nice furniture in the place. There were a couple of very comfortable looking couches and chairs. There was also a little bit of a kitchen area in the small room adjacent to the one they had arrived in. One of the walls was plastered with posters and such, which Lily could only imagine had been of Sirius' design, but the rest of the room was fairly barren.

"Can I interest you in food or drinks?" James offered, walking to the icebox (which was frozen by magic, not electricity, obviously). "We have a large supply of firewhisky."

"I'm alright," Lily said, sitting down on one of the couches. It was as comfortable as she had imagined it would be.

James grabbed a bottle of Butterbeer and walked back out to where Lily was sitting. He sat down on one of the chairs that was facing her. "Now…" he said, taking a deep sip of his drink. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

Lily took a long deep breath. "Okay, this a completely serious conversation, and I'm really going to need you to lay off the jokes."

James nodded. "I can do that."

"And this is really, _really_ hard for me to say, but I don't really have a choice anymore."

James didn't say anything. He just stared at her, his expression completely blank, possibly even guarded.

"Alright, so the night of the first Quidditch game… you still don't remember anything from it, do you?"

This was clearly not the direction James had been expecting the conversation to go in. "No, I don't, I told you that." He paused. "Don't tell me that we really did go to Paris."

"What did I say about jokes?"

"Sorry."

Lily sighed. "Alright, well, I didn't remember any of it either. So I used Slughorn's Pensieve because I was a bit worried. And we did leave the common room together that night. And we went off to an abandoned room, it was a bit strange actually. And, um…"

"We snogged?" James said, incredulously.

Lily bit her lip, and noted uncomfortably that James' glance slid to her lips. "I wish that was the extent of it."

James spilled a bit of Butterbeer on his shirt, but he didn't even seem to notice. He just kept staring at her. "We didn't…"

"We did. If you don't believe me, you can go use the Pensieve, I saw it, it happened."

He was staring at a window that was behind her now. "No, no, I believe you. If there's one thing I know about you, it's that you're an honest person. And now that you say it…" James lowered his voice. "I think I do remember it, just a bit. I thought it must have been a dream or something – not that I've dreamed about us, about that, before – but I just didn't believe that it could have happened. So I just kind of forgot about it."

Lily watched his face intently for a long moment, as he continued to look away from her with a distant look. "Well, it gets worse."

"There's something worse for you then having sex with me? Thank Merlin for that."

Lily blushed and made a weak face at him.

"I'm sorry," James said quickly. He pushed his hair back. "I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable. And sorry, but this whole situation is a little bit uncomfortable for me."

Lily stared at him for a moment longer, and he met her gaze now. She looked into those hazel eyes, the ones that she had hated for so many years, and at that face that she had screamed and scoffed at so many times, and she said (quite simply, after it all), "James, I'm pregnant."

* * *

 **A/N: I always have trouble making decisions about when/how the Marauders reveal their secrets to Lily. There are so many ways that it could have happened... Anyway, hope you all are enjoying now that the story is starting to pick up a little bit. Leave a review and let me know what you think :)**

 **Hope you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving (if you celebrate)!**

 **~writergal24**


	9. Chapter 9

James was silent for a very, very long time. He had stopped looking at her again, and his face was like a mask. Lily couldn't tell how he could possibly be feeling. She just sat there and fidgeted and resisted the urge to cry, because she had decided weeks ago that she was done crying over this.

Finally, after what could have been hours (if you weren't looking at the window), James said, "Well, that certainly complicates just about everything."

He sounded angry.

"It's not like it was my idea," Lily retorted.

James stood up quickly and looked down at her. Then he looked away again. "Look, I need some time alone, I need to think. I'll talk to you about this later." He started to storm off.

Lily let him for a moment. "Wait! How do I get back to school?"

He stopped. "Alright, come on."

Instead of going back up the stairs as she expected him to, James went over the front door and peered out the window for a minute. When he seemed satisfied that nobody was there, he opened the door and gestured for her to follow him.

They walked through the cold streets of Hogsmeade, and Lily had to pull her cloak up against her body tightly to fight the winds that were blowing against them. The streets were somewhat quiet, especially quieter than Lily was used to seeing them, because there were no Hogwarts students there other than them. But it was more than that. Lily had felt the same way whenever she went to Diagon Alley lately. It was the war – nobody was too keen on hanging out in areas highly populated by wizards anymore.

As they walked past the Three Broomsticks, Madame Rosmerta, who was outside cleaning the windows, waved and called, "Oh, Jamie! Stopping by for a drink?"

"Can't today, Rosmerta, sorry."

"Is that Lily Evans with you? My, my…" Rosmerta snickered to herself, but both James and Lily ignored her as they walked quickly along the path.

James pulled over besides Honeydukes and whispered, "Alright, pay close attention while we are in there, I don't have the cloak, so we're going to have to be clever about this." Lily, of course, had no idea what he was talking about, but she nodded anyway.

James held the door open for her, and the sweet smell of Honeydukes instantly hit her nose.

"James Potter, me boy, is that you?" the elderly man working behind the counter said. He wore spectacles around his neck, and his combination of a long beard and red robes made him look a bit like the muggle Father Christmas.

"Yes, sir."

Lily stood behind James as he walked up to the counter. He was holding his wand behind his back suspiciously.

"What can I help you with today?" the man asked.

"I was wondering what kinds of lollipops you have," James replied.

The man started fussing with the lollipops on the counter when James gave his wand a flick and the boxes behind the man fell off of the shelves, spilling their contents onto the floor.

"Ooh," the man said, looking back at the boxes. "Well, I can just get those later."

"No, that's fine, we can wait," James said.

The man nodded. "Okay, this will just take a moment." He turned around to clean up the boxes, and started telling a story as he did so, but it was then that James grabbed Lily's arm and, putting his finger to his lips, pulled her down the staircase that was to their left.

Lily felt bad because the man must have been very confused when he turned back around to find that they were no longer there, but she followed James without protest.

She found out when James quietly pushed a carton from its position at the back of the basement, revealing a trap door, and he opened it.

There was a large stone staircase beneath them, with no sight of ground beneath them. "Don't tell me we're going in there," Lily whispered, peering down.

"Just go," James urged.

Lily sighed, but climbed down onto the steps and waiting for James as he closed the door and pulled the carton back over the top. It was pitch black dark when the trapdoor snapped shut above them, and Lily's only sense was of James apparently fussing with his robes and the smell and taste of the dank air. "Are we just going to stand here?" Lily asked.

"Hold on," James muttered. Finally, Lily saw an orange dot appear in front of James' body and then watched as it zoomed out down the staircase, up to the ceiling, and out, illuminating the entire passageway. "We've fixed this place up a bit." He looked around. "Now, how do you feel about broomstick?"

"I'm perfectly capable of flying," Lily replied, somewhat stiffly.

James nodded. "Good. Except it looks like we left the broomsticks at the other side. Alright, _Accio Broomsticks_."

Nothing happened.

"Are they coming?" Lily questioned.

"It's a really long tunnel," James explained. "That's why we are taking broomsticks."

Finally, four broomsticks zoomed up vertically to them and stopped before them. James grabbed two and put them on the top step, and then grabbed one and placed it between his legs. Lily also took one.

"Okay, we find it best to follow the staircase down, rather than making the vertical plunge," James said.

"Sounds good."

He nodded, looked at her one last time, and then stepped off. She followed as they wrapped around the staircase, until they finally arrived at the bottom. Then they zoomed through the tunnel, which didn't smell any better than the staircase. But it was well lit and it was luckily large enough for them both to go through on broomstick.

Lily was behind James most of the time, which gave her the perfect opportunity to observe his skills. Even when he was just flying in a straight line, it was obvious that James was a good flyer. Lily herself? Like she had said, she was capable. She was nowhere near good enough to play for Gryffindor, but she could control a broom well enough to use it as a method of transportation, and even for a pick-up game that the boys sometimes organized when it was nice out and they could get enough of their classmates to participate.

It seemed a long while later that James finally shouted to her that they were going to slow down, and Lily was certainly glad she hadn't had to walk the whole way.

The pair pulled to a stop at the bottom of a slide, and after they had put their brooms down, James pulled out his wand again and added ridges to the slide so that it was easier to climb. "It's not too far up," he told Lily, as he began to climb. She followed behind and saw that he was right. They arrived at the top only a few minutes later.

" _Dissendium_ ," James said, tapping his wand to the wall in front of them. The wall then opened up, and a bright light reached their eyes, somewhat painfully.

James gave Lily a boost out of the hole and then she helped to lift him out. Lily was almost amazed to find they were just standing in a Hogwarts hallway, though she wasn't really expecting anything different.

James closed the hole up.

"So how did you find that?" Lily asked curiously.

"Marauding takes a lot more energy than you might think."

"Marauding," Lily repeated. "I bet."

There was silence for a moment.

"So you still need time alone?" Lily asked.

James sighed and started shooting sparks out of the tip of his wand. "Yes, Evans, I really do. You've had weeks to think it through before you told me, obviously. I get some time, too."

"Fair enough. But, just… please don't tell anyone yet."

"You can't expect me to not tell Sirius. I bet you're told Marlene or someone," James responded, his anger rising again.

"Okay, okay, tell Sirius, but not anyone else."

They were almost at the Fat Lady's portrait already.

"So I'll see you on the train then?" Lily asked. It was already seven o'clock somehow, and she would have to spend the night packing up her stuff to take home. They would have to leave the castle for the train early tomorrow morning.

"Yeah," James responded.

Lily gave the Fat Lady the password and started climbing through, but James kept walking. "Not coming in?" she asked.

"Like I said, I need time alone," James said. "See you, Evans."

Lily emerged in the Common Room. "Yeah," she muttered. "See you."

Lily despised packing.

"Guys, this is the last time we will be packing to go home for Christmas holidays," Mary said, searching under her bed for who knows what.

"Shut it," Briseida said.

Marlene sighed and sat on her suitcase. She was already done packing. "I just want to get home to see Katherine."

Marlene had received a letter a week ago at breakfast that said, rather cryptically, "Katherine has returned from France. She seems a bit worn out. We hope that she will come over for Christmas dinner." And it was pretty much driving Marlene insane.

Lily smiled sadly, and helped Marlene zip her bag up. She patted her friend's small blonde head. "I told him," Lily whispered in her ear.

"What did he say?" Marlene demanded.

Lily shrugged and returned to her bed. She went through a stack of books that was on her bedside table before deciding that the chances of her reading any of them while she was home were extremely slim.

Christmas packing was the worst, she had decided years before. Because she had plenty of stuff at home, so what was the point of bringing anything? Fourth year she simply hadn't packed anything, and then found when she got home that she only had two pairs of underpants to wear for the week and a half she would be at home. That was an unfortunate week and a half.

"Are you going to France, Bri?" Mary asked.

"No, my parents want to spend the holiday at home because it's the last time I'll be living with them, or some bloody crap like that."

Lily thought about her own plans for the holiday: trying to cheer Dad up, trying to avoid Severus as much as possible, probably trying to avoid Petunia and her arse of a boyfriend as much as possible, getting some sleep, trying to avoid the fact that she was pregnant. Yeah, it was going to be a fun Christmas.

Lily threw a few more things into her suitcase, and then gave up. She got into her pajamas, took a little bit more of the nausea potion, just in case, and then climbed into bed, telling her roommates that they better keep their voices down if they wanted to make it home for the holidays.

* * *

 **Hey, friends - things are happening, oooh. Hope you're enjoying! I've loved getting your feedback!**

 **~writergal24**


	10. Chapter 10

The ride to the train was a long one because, despite the potion she had taken in the morning, Lily's stomach did not appreciate the act of bouncing along the road. She was grateful when they finally arrived on the platform and saw the scarlet red of the Hogwarts Express.

Lily and her friends were filing into a compartment when she heard a voice calling her name. Potter was standing a few feet away. He looked exhausted, and there was a slight bruise on his left cheek. "We have a meeting, remember?"

 _No_ , Lily wanted to respond. They had already worked out a schedule for prefects to follow on the train ride home, but she figured that wasn't actually what James wanted to talk about. "Yeah, just a minute." Lily put her bag down in the compartment and excused herself, and then she and James walked silently to the Prefect's carriage.

James closed the door behind them, and then went over and leaned on the desk that stood in one corner. Lily stood facing him.

"So how are you doing this morning?" Lily asked.

"I'm fine, how are you feeling?" James responded, his voice much calmer than the night before.

"I'm good."

James let out a long breath. "So after spending pretty much the whole night using Sirius as a punching bag-"

"So that's why you look why you got run over by a truck."

"-I think I can handle this."

"You can handle this?" Lily repeated.

James took a few steps towards her. "From now on, whatever you need, I'm there for you. I will do whatever you need me to. I'll sneak out to Hogsmeade or down to the kitchens to get whatever you need. I'll help you with explaining to people. I'm still extremely mad at myself for letting this happen, but it happened, and I'm not going to leave you alone, I promise."

"James, this isn't your fault. It's as much my fault as it is yours."

"That doesn't even matter. What matters is that… I don't know, that we'll figure this out together."

"If I even want you to help me."

James faltered. "You don't?"

"No, I do."

James didn't laugh. "I just..." He pushed his hair back. "Are you planning on keeping it?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Good." James nodded. "So, we have a week and a half, and I'm guessing we should get over to St. Mungo's so we don't have to explain to McGonagall and Dumbledore immediately after we get back. And what would be a good day for me to come over to tell your dad?"

"To tell my dad? This week?"

"You would rather write him a letter about it? If you wait till summer, you're going to be extremely pregnant. I think we should tell both of our parents before we go back to school."

Lily held a hand up. "You're moving really fast. I haven't even gotten around to thinking about all of this yet."

"Well, you have to. Otherwise it's going to be too late," James said.

Lily felt her stomach turning over. How had she forgotten about all of this? She had been so nervous about telling James that she had let so many other issues slip her mind. "You're right," she said quietly. "How about we go to St. Mungo's on Monday?"

James nodded. "Great. I'll find someone to double-check with, but I don't think we will need an appointment or anything."

"Alright."

James stared at her sadly for a long moment, with bags under his eyes and his hair looking messier than ever.

"James. It's going to be fine. We'll figure this all out."

"I know," he responded. "It's just, ya know, when I pictured starting a family with you, I figured we would be out of Hogwarts with successful careers first." He gave her a small wink and walked towards the door. "See ya, Evans."

James Potter had joked about having children with her for years, but this was the first time that Lily ever responded with a laugh.

* * *

James set up the appointment with the Healer and sent Lily a letter about it. She got it only a few hours after she had gotten home, but she guessed that it had taken James less time to get home, so that was probably a factor. Lily replied with another important question: when they would get around to this whole telling the parents deal. She offered Monday night as a possibility for him to come over, knowing that her dad would be around.

Lily spent the first two days of her vacation doing a lot of thinking as she settled back into her home. She spent time with her dad, got a bit of homework done (though not as much as she should have, certainly), and she just relaxed. With all of the stress that she was facing at school, that was really important.

Especially because she could pretend that there wasn't a wand pointed at her neck at all moments while she was at home. She had never really told her family about the war. Sometimes she felt kind of bad about lying about something this big, but she had never even explained to them the prejudice that she faced when she was in the magical world. They (Petunia especially) thought of her and her classmates as different, and Lily wasn't sure that she would be able to explain how in the magical community, some people actually thought that her family and herself were the abnormal ones.

So the war had just never really come up. It was easier that way, because her dad was not worried about her every time she took longer than was expected to get home, and he did not send her frantic, "Are you alright?" letters every time that she did not respond right away. She had observed this behavior emerging in her friends' parents, and they always looked at her jealously.

With her mother's unexpected death just two years ago, right as the war was creeping into people's minds, Lily had been especially glad that she had never told them. Her dad did not need to be worrying about her, or himself even.

Sometimes Lily worried that this would be a problem, yes. What if something happened to her dad? Was she leaving him as an open target? But she had expressed these concerns to Dumbledore a few times, and he had assured her that, at the moment, her family was safe. Since she was still a student, the Death Eaters did not really have her on their hit list. In a few years… But Dumbledore never got that far.

So Lily remained optimistic that the war would end and that she would never have to tell her dad and Petunia anything, and while she was home, she pretended that there was nothing bad going on. She hid the headlines of the Daily Prophet from them as more people disappeared and more people were tortured and more people were killed.

On Monday, she apparated to St. Mungo's and met James in front of the main entrance. He was standing there waiting when she walked up.

"Evans," he said, nodding at her.

They walked into the hospital, making small talk about how their vacations were going so far and what their Christmas plans were and such. They waited in the waiting room for a bit, and then they were led to a small room at the end of a hallway, where Lily sat on a plastic bed and James sat on a black chair next to her. They waited a few tense moments, and then the Healer came in. She barely even glanced up at them as she greeted them, and started ruffling through her folders. She sat down on another chair that was in the room and started asking Lily some basic questions. She had short, dark hair and eyes that were nearly black.

The Healer put her folder down and started cleaning her wand. "So how long have you two been married?" the Healer asked, with a kind smile.

Both Lily and James turned pink. "We're not married," James told the Healer.

Her eyes refocused on them as if she was just seeing them. "Oh, my apologies. Er, how old are you?"

"Seventeen," Lily answered as the Healer grabbed her folder again and started jotting things down. "Both of us."

"So I assume you two are Hogwarts students, then."

"Yes."

She looked over them one more time. "And are you in a relationship?"

"Only in my dreams," James replied.

None of them laughed.

"And you are the father, yes?" the Healer asked.

"That's what the ginger tells me," James replied.

Lily swatted his knee. "I'm sorry about him, he just doesn't know how to hold his tongue. He's making this out to be a lot worse than it is. We both understand how serious this situation really is."

The Healer tapped her fingers on the desk, and then rolled over to the bed that Lily laid on. "Alright, let's check you out then."

The Healer ran her wand over Lily's stomach. Then she washed her hands and placed those too over Lily's stomach. "As of right now, there is not too much to be seen. But it feels to me as though everything is fine at the moment. So all we really need to talk about at this point is how to keep it that way." She frowned and paused. "That is… assuming you are planning to carry through with the pregnancy."

"I am," Lily responded, exchanging a look with James. It was something that they had never actually discussed. Lily had decided on the answer almost immediately after she had discovered that she was pregnant, and apparently James had felt the same way.

The Healer nodded slowly. "Alright, you'll need to make sure your diet is healthy, then."

"Yes," Lily replied.

The Healer pursed her lips. "You'll also want to avoid strenuous activity, especially as your pregnancy progresses. You'll want to avoid broomstick travel later on, and no apparating from now on, unless you are in a dire situation. Splinching could be disastrous.

"You'll also want to start thinking about delivery, though that's still a little premature at this point," the Healer said.

"Sounds like I'll have some reading to do. I hope you got me some pregnancy books for Christmas, James," Lily joked.

He smiled. "I think Sirius might have."

The Healer put her book down. "I just want to make sure you do understand the seriousness of what's going on here. You kids are seventeen and still in school. You don't have careers or even jobs. And there's a war brewing. The next few years are going to be ugly ones.

"And, I hope you don't think I'm being intrusive, but may I ask what your parentages are."

James stiffened. "I don't think that's relevant."

"Well, obviously you are a pureblood. But Miss Evans, I have not heard of your family… I personally don't care about that kind of stuff, but I think we've seen recently that it's not safe. You will be putting yourself and the baby in danger. Just remember that."

"We are here to get your medical opinion, not your political opinion," James snapped, standing up.

"You'll be putting yourself in danger, too, Mr. Potter. By associating yourself with muggle-borns," the Healer continued, as though she hadn't heard James' last comment.

Lily snorted. "You might want to watch what you say because you're going to upset some muggle-borns with that kind of talk. In fact you have upset me. Thank you for the appointment, but we won't be returning." Lily, too, now stood up and pulled her shirt back down to cover her stomach. "Come on, James."

And the pair left the room together.

Both of them were fuming as they walked through the lobby.

"Are we going back to my house still? How are we getting there?" Lily asked as she realized that she could not apparate. _Great_ , she thought, _Less than six months of being able to do it legally, and I already can't again._

James sighed angrily. "I don't know, we could fly?"

"We don't have brooms," Lily replied with a snarky smile.

"Fine, then let's Floo to my house, get some brooms, Floo back here, and then ride them to your house. Sound like a plan?" James had his fingertips held to his temples and the side of his face, like he had a bad headache.

So they Flooed to and from James' house and then discreetly left St. Mungo's with the brooms held under their arms. They traveled through London on foot for a bit, until they found a little park. Taking cover behind some trees, they put Disillusionment Charms on themselves and the brooms, and then they took flight. Since Lily knew the way to get from London to her home by car, she led the way, following the highway that her dad usually took. James had trouble seeing her a few times, and had to shout for her to slow down, but if they stayed close enough, he could see the spot where the sky was shimmering.

When they reached Cokesworth, Lily's small town, Lily pulled down to ground, and James followed behind her.

James looked down the street. "All of the houses look the same. How do you tell which one is yours?"

Lily glanced around to make sure there were not any Muggles nearby, and then she took the Disillusionment charm off of her and James. "That's one of the most ridiculous things you've ever asked me," Lily replied, taking James' broom from him. She shrunk them down so they were smaller than her wand, and then she handed them back to James, who put them in his pocket.

"I'm not kidding," James said. "Haven't you ever walked into the wrong one by mistake?"

Lily actually had once, when she was five, and it was dark out so she could not see the color of the curtains, but she did not admit this to James. She simply put her wand away and beckoned for him to follow her down the street.

"Alright, so when was the last time you were in a Muggle house?" Lily asked.

"Er… it's been awhile," James responded.

Lily smiled. "That's what I figured. Alright, so obviously my dad knows about magic and everything, and my sister does, too, but I don't think she will be home. But, you know, I try not to completely overwhelm either of them with magic stuff. I'm not saying don't mention it, like if you want to talk about Quidditch or whatever, both don't like decide to disappear in front of him out of nowhere because you forgot something at home or whatever."

"I can handle that."

They walked quietly for a few more minutes.

"About what that Healer said…" Lily said finally in a soft voice.

"You're not still thinking about that, are you?" James asked, the anger returning to his voice. "Lily, that was the most ridiculous, inappropriate thing I have ever heard a Healer say. It was… oh, Merlin, I actually had to remind myself not to kill her."

"But you don't think that she was kind of right?" Lily stared at the ground beneath. "I am a huge target, and that will make this child a target. It's even worse than it is for most people who are considering having a child during the war."

James put a hand out and stopped her. They stood on the sidewalk and he looked at her for a long moment. "Listen to me. Did you have a single doubt about this before we went and saw that Healer?"

Lily shook her head.

"And do you think that I will let anyone near that baby?"

"But, James-"

James cut her off. "No. I will die before I let anything happen to that baby, and it's not even born yet. Merlin, Lily, I know this is crazy, but I love it already. And when I said that I was here for you and for the baby, I really, really meant it. I will do absolutely whatever it takes to keep you and the baby safe. I promise."

Lily smiled at him as she felt light tears prick at her eyes. "Thank you. You're right."

"Great, now let's go see your dad. I'm ready to tell him. I mean, if you are."

"Yeah." Lily nodded. "There's just one more thing that I should tell you before we go over there."

"Hmm?"

"My dad doesn't know about the war," Lily told him. "He, uh, he isn't even really aware that anybody feels any sort of prejudice against muggle-borns."

"I knew you were crazy," James murmured.

Lily sighed, exasperated. "No, I'm not. He just lost my mum. He doesn't need to know that there's a chance he might lose me, too. He does not need to stress out about that."

James shrugged. "It is your decision. But don't you think he'd be even more upset if something did happen to you and he only found out then?"

"Can we just tell him I'm pregnant first?"

James laughed. "Sure. Lead the way."


	11. Chapter 11

Lily pushed the door open, suddenly feeling a bit anxious about the situation. She brushed off her slight queasiness as a pregnancy side-effect and dropped her purse onto the small table that stood in the foyer. She took off her coat, and hung both hers and James' in the coat closet. Then she led him into the living room, catching her reflection in the mirror on the way there. She definitely didn't look pregnant yet, even when she was straining for it, but a month more and she probably would. (Her hair was looking a bit wild today, though.)

"Hi, Dad," Lily said, stepping into the room. Her father was sitting watching a football game with a soda can in one hand. Lily didn't look too much like her dad – she had resembled her mum a lot more. She had her dad's nose, but the resemblance pretty much stopped there. Petunia looked much more like their dad.

"Hello, Lils. How was your afternoon? Is your friend here?" her dad asked, but he had trouble peeling his eyes from the screen. The game was tied.

Lily smiled. "Yeah, Dad, this is James Potter."

Well, that got her father's attention. He looked up as James stepped into the room, and looked him over. Lily could practically see the assumptions that he was making in his eyes.

"Gotta be honest, Lils, when you said you were bringing a friend over, I was expecting Marlene," her dad said, standing up. He put his soda down and extended his hand to James. "Nice to meet you."

"You too, Mr. Evans," James said, shaking his hand. He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm guessing Lily hasn't brought too many boys home before then."

Lily smacked him as he glanced at her with a smirk.

But Mr. Evans just laughed. "No, only Severus. Speaking of which…"

"Dad, I told you, Sev and I aren't friends anymore. Can we talk about this later?" Lily tried not to sound too annoyed. She glanced at James to make sure the mention of Severus hadn't set him off, but he was still grinning.

Mr. Evans just chuckled.

"Well, uh, I was going to make dinner. James, do you want to come help…?" Lily offered.

"No, that's okay," Mr. Evans said quickly. "James can stay with me. Do you like football, James?"

"Well, I've never really seen it."

Mr. Evans gripped his chest. "It's practically a crime in this country. I told Lily when she first came home from Hogwarts and told me that there's no football there, I said, they should really be culturing you kids. And it's worse than I thought! Seventeen and not knowing about football."

"But have you seen a Quidditch match?" James returned.

"Oh, I remember what that is! No, no, I really don't. Come have a seat, boy, and I'll explain football, and then you can tell me about your, uh, whatever it is…" Mr. Evans said, sitting back down and gesturing to the seat next to him.

Lily looked on cautiously for a moment longer, and then with a warning look at both her dad and James that neither of them saw, she walked through another doorway to the kitchen. She could still hear a little bit of their conversation as she started shifting through the kitchen, looking for something to cook. It was probably something that she should have considered ahead of time.

She had been extremely surprised when she had arrived home two days earlier and found the kitchen practically empty. Her dad claimed that he had been eating TV dinners and ordering out, but there were barely even condiments. She had gone on a grocery shopping spree only a few hours after getting home to ensure that she had food to cook for herself and her dad while she was home.

His lack of cooking was one of the things that worried Lily most about her dad. Her mom had cooked for almost their entire marriage, and it seemed that he didn't even know how to keep a kitchen stocked.

Lily finally decided to just make some pasta, and she found ingredients for a sauce that she could make fairly easily. She whipped it up fairly quickly, keeping one ear on the conversation that was taking place in the other room. Figuring that her dad was distracted enough, she even used magic to some of the more tedious tasks, like cutting and chopping and such. It was nice to finally be legal.

While she was waiting for the pasta to finish boiling, she wandered back out to the living room to see what the boys were up to. Her dad was giving James a play-by-play explanation of what was going on in the game, what every flag meant, why this was illegal, on and on.

"That's just like in Quidditch," he remarked just after Lily walked into the room. It was then that he saw her.

"Dinner's almost ready," Lily explained.

James stood up. "I'll come help you set the table."

Lily didn't object and the pair walked into the kitchen. "Everything going okay out there?" Lily whispered as she handed him some plates.

"Yeah, your dad seems awesome."

"He totally thinks we are dating," Lily murmured, shaking her head.

"We could arrange that?" James offered with a small smile as he placed some of the plates on the table. "You know, I've only done this a few times ever," he said, raising his voice a bit.

"Really?" She handed him some glasses.

James nodded. "I have house elves at home, too. My mom decided last summer though that Sirius and I should learn how to do it ourselves, so she makes us cook dinner and all that stuff every once and a while."

"So you're not completely useless, you mean."

"Exactly."

He smirked at her and Lily was surprised to find that they were leaning over the table on opposite sides, and they were surprisingly close to each other. She was looking straight into his hazel eyes, and she was surprised to find that there were light specks in them that she had never noticed before.

Then the timer went off and she jumped backward. She silently turned it off and drained the pasta. "Go get my dad, would you?" she said softly as she poured the pasta into a bowl.

"Thanks for making food for us, Lils," Mr. Evans said as he sat down at the head of the table, pulling the white napkin that Lily had set out onto his lap. It matched the white shirt that he was wearing.

"Yeah, looks delicious," James added.

Lily put the last few bowls on the table and took a seat next to her dad, across from James. "Nice eating real food every once and a while, isn't it, Dad?"

He chuckled as he passed the pasta to her. "Sure is."

The only sound for a few moments was the sound of their forks and spoons as they began eating their meal.

"Now," Mr. Evans said finally, "Don't think I'm being upfront or intrusive or whatever here, but I have to say, I haven't met you before, James. Have you and Lily just become friends or something?" His eyes suggested that he meant much more than "friends."

"You could say that," James said.

"But you are in Gryffindor too, yes?"

"Yeah, I am."

Mr. Evans nodded. He still hadn't heard anything that explained why James was here and whether or not he was his daughter's boyfriend.

"What do your parents do, James?" Mr. Evans tried again a few moments later.

Lily watched James with cautious eyes.

"Actually, sir, my father passed about a year and a half ago, just after your wife passed. He was, um, what would it be in the Muggle world, Lily?" James turned to her. His eyes widened a bit when he found that she was staring right at him.

"Sort of like a policeman," Lily offered.

James nodded. "Right, I remember Remus was telling me about those."

Mr. Evans, who had been silent through this little intercourse as he watched the pair, said, "Well, I am very sorry to hear that."

"As sorry as I was to hear about your wife," James said softly.

Lily shifted her gaze to her father, who was nodding solemnly.

"Oh, and my mother. She's always been a bit of a housewife, but she does some volunteer work. She helps to run a few charities and, you know, stuff like that," James told him, glancing at Lily.

Lily wasn't sure exactly what James' mum did, but she was sure that whatever it was went beyond raising a bit of money. Money wasn't very helpful these days. There were much more important things. Like fighting.

James launched into a story as they finished up eating, and they moved over to the living room, as Lily murmured about cleaning the dishes later.

Somehow, James and Lily ended up squished onto the loveseat that faced her dad's chair, and the whole situation became slightly awkward when James finally finished his story, which both of the audience members had thoroughly enjoyed.

After a long moment of silence, Lily said softly, "Dad, there's actually something that James and I need to tell you."

Mr. Evans raised his eyebrows. "Lily, if you're going to tell me that you two are dating, I've already figured that out. And if you're going to ask if you can get married, the answer is no. Your sister getting married is enough for me to deal with right now."

Lily snorted. She had met Petunia's fiancé over summer holidays a few months ago, and he was a completely horrid man who had hated her since the moment that Petunia had told him Lily's secret. Then she regained her composure and said, "Actually, it's neither of those things."

"You're not dating?" Mr. Evans repeated in doubt.

"No, sir," James told him.

"Well, then what is it?"

Lily felt her stomach flip-flop again and slight tears prickle at her eyes as she looked at her dad in the dim lighting of the living room. The TV made noise behind them, but it had been forgotten completely by that point. Lily didn't want to hurt him anymore than the suffering he had gone through the past few years, but she had no choice. She had to say it now.

"Dad…" She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

Mr. Evans' face paled rapidly.

His face was still pale as a sheet a moment later when he finally broke the silence that had emerged after Lily's admission. "You-you're pregnant?" he repeated incredulously.

Lily nodded slowly.

"And you're the father?" Mr. Evans asked, pointing to James.

James' hand unconsciously twitched towards his wand as he watched Mr. Evans change colors a few times. But he calmed himself back down and said, "Yes, I am. And I am here for Lily one hundred percent."

"Even though you're not dating?" Mr. Evans said, but it wasn't really a question. He wasn't even looking at the pair sitting across from him anymore; he was doubled-over in his chair, holding his head on his wrinkled hands. Lily had only seem him look more fragile like that in the most horrible of situations, namely when her mother had passed. "Goodness, Lily, what did we do wrong? Is this… because of your mum?"

Lily shook her head. "No, Dad, this isn't anything that you or mum did. It was a one-time mistake, and it wasn't… I didn't… Dad, please don't blame yourself for any of this."

"Is it because you were upset or because you were… God, I don't know. Shit."

"I, um… honestly, I haven't really gone into the psychological reasons behind my screw-up…" Lily said with a sharp laugh.

Mr. Evans didn't say anything, and the pair sitting across from here exchanged a long look, as though that would help them to figure out what thoughts were going through his head.

"Are you mad, Daddy?" Lily blurted out, softly.

Mr. Evans looked back up at her, and his dark eyes softened when they met her bright ones. He saw the concern in her eyes, but he also saw all of the brightness and optimism that had been present in them for years, and maybe that's what persuaded him to say, "No. No, I don't think I am. You seem to have realized that you screwed up, and you seem to be taking some responsibility for this… Have you been to see a doctor yet?"

"That's actually where we were this afternoon," Lily said, pushing her red hair back. "She said that everything looks good as of right now." She paused. "I'm probably due in around July."

"July," Mr. Evans repeated. "So you'll be out of school then. But you probably won't have a job."

"Not to be crass about this, but even if neither of us has a job by the fall, I do have a fairly large inheritance that we will have access to," James spoke up. "That's sounds so snobby, but we will be able to buy a small house and whatever supplies we need. And then we can worry about jobs."

Mr. Evans nodded slowly. "I wish I could offer my support there, but…" He looked around his own small house and then regretted having said anything. Mr. Evans wasn't a class snob, but he did feel self-conscious about his lack of money at some points, especially when it came to not being able to provide his daughters with things that he felt he should be able to. It wasn't even that they were poor, necessarily. Just not as well off as he had hoped to become, and he had always felt guilty about this. That was probably part of the reason why he was worried about Petunia's upcoming wedding.

"Dad, you don't have to worry about that," Lily said. "This is our responsibility. We will deal with the money and the… everything." Money actually hadn't been on Lily's radar before this conversation, so she was glad for once that James was well off. The war had occupied much more of her mind.

Mr. Evans looked between them one last time. "I hope you know what you're in for," he said with a small, fake laugh. "But I will be here to support you with everything."

Lily smiled. "That's one of the best things you have ever said to me." Lily stood up and hugged her father. "Thank you. So much."

When she stood back up, she turned to James. "This isn't any kind of hint or anything, but do you need to be getting home soon?"

James laughed. "I probably should. I have a dog that needs to be walked."

"That would be Sirius, eh?" Lily laughed.

James smiled and nodded. He stood up, and the room suddenly felt smaller, because he was tall and filled up a lot of it. "It was great getting to meet you, Mr. Evans. Thank you for supporting us. I promise that I won't leave Lily alone, ever."

Mr. Evans stood up, too, and shook his hand. "Honestly, I'm think I'm glad that it was you, James. There are some real idiot teenagers out there. But you seem better than that."

"Remind your daughter of that when she starts complaining about me," James said, and Lily had to resist the urge to swat him.

"He's kidding," she told her dad. Then she said to James, "I'll walk you out."

She led him down the small hallway, got his coat out of the closet for him, and then they went through the screen glass door, which banged lightly behind them. "Thanks for all of that," she said softly as they stood on the porch. She ignored the cold wind that slapped at her nearly bare arms.

"Hey, there's nothing you have to thank me for. I told you I'm going to be there for you. And you'll be coming over to tell my mum, too, won't you?" James asked.

"Sure, just send me an owl and tell me when the best time would be," Lily said.

"Your dad seems really great," James added. "I don't think he's as broken as you think he is. He took that news pretty well, didn't he?"

Lily shook his head. "But my mum just passed."

"But I think he's recovering, and treating him like he can't handle anything doesn't help that. Trust me – Sirius, Remus, and Pete treated me that way for two weeks after my dad passed, even though Sirius was almost as torn up as I was, and I felt like I was going to burst." James laughed and shook his head. "And I don't know what you're saying about him not being adjusted to magic, either. Honestly, Lily."

"Alright, alright, lecture me on how I treat my dad another time. It's really cold out here," Lily said. She held out her arm and showed him where her pale skin had been covered in goose-bumps already.

He nodded. "Alright, I will. I'll send you an owl tomorrow. See you, Evans." He spun and was gone.

Lily didn't return in right away, but she stared at the place where James had just vanished from. It was a cold night and the Christmas lights on the houses of her neighbors made her feel more disconnected than anything else.

When she couldn't feel her toes any longer, Lily pulled the door back open and slipped into the house. She still had dishes to deal with.


	12. Chapter 12

When she was awoken by an owl tapping on her window the next morning, it was still hardly dawn and the air was cold. She figured it must have been from James. Once she saw it wasn't, she realized she never should have thought it was because there was no way James would be awake before noon on a day like today.

Instead, she found the following message:

 _Diagon Alley today? Still need to get presents for my family. Ah!_

 _xLene_

Still in her pajamas, Lily slid out of her room and stood at the top of the staircase. She smiled when she heard the sound of the television floating up to her, which meant that her dad was awake.

She pounded down the stairs. "Dad," she said as she bounced into the living room, only to find that it wasn't her dad that was in the living room – it was Petunia and her obnoxious fiancé, who were both now staring at her because she was wearing red striped pajamas. "Oh, hi, Tuney. Vernon. Didn't know you were home. How've you been?" Lily always tried to be polite to Petunia, but Petunia's obnoxiousness in response always turned Lily sour by the end of the holidays.

"Good," Petunia responded, grabbing the sausage's hand. Lily was always struck by the difference in appearance between the two of them: Vernon with his fat rolling off of his body, Petunia with her thin structure and pointy features. It was just strange.

Lily resisted the urge to barf. "Have you seen Dad?"

"He went down to the shop," Petunia responded coolly.

"Oh, damn, I forgot he had to work." Lily pursed her lips. "What are your plans for the day?"

"We're going into London to see an opera."

"Really?" Lily bit her lip. "I can't believe that I'm actually about to say this, but is there any chance that I could hitch a ride? I have plans to meet a friend in London but I have no way to get there."

Petunia raised her thin, tweezed eyebrows. "Can't you just fly?"

Vernon snorted.

Lily gave them a falsely sweet smile. "No, can't. Can you give me a ride? If it's not too much trouble, of course."

"How much will Dad hate me if I say no?"

"A lot."

Petunia rolled her eyes. "Fine, you can come, but we aren't going out of our way to bring you to whatever freaky part of London it is that your lot hang around."

"That's okay. I will be forever indebted to you. When are you leaving?"

"In about ten minutes," Vernon said. He was practically huffing with anger. Apparently he hadn't thought that Petunia would actually agree to Lily's request.

"I'll be ready by then," Lily said, dashing back upstairs. She sent a hasty reply to Marlene, changed her clothes, put a few dabs of makeup on, and grabbed some pounds to exchange for Sickles at Gringotts. Then she grabbed a coat and ran back downstairs.

Petunia and Vernon were standing impatiently by the door as though she had taken too long, when she had really only been upstairs for about seven minutes.

"Let me write Dad a quick note…" Lily said. She wrote out a note about how she was going over to meet Marlene in London and might or might not end up going to James' house for dinner. She would try and contact him if she was going. She put the note on the small table in the foyer and then she ran outside because the happy engaged couple was waiting, still very impatiently, for her in the car.

Lily climbed into the back of the car, only to find that it smelled like cigarettes and bad perfume, a beautiful mix of smells. She let out a long sigh as Vernon began to chat about his career to Petunia, and she listened intently, both of them ignoring Lily's presence behind them.

That was okay with Lily. She didn't really want to talk to them anyway.

* * *

When Petunia and Vernon dropped Lily off on a random street corner, she considered trying to find her way around London and make it to the Leaky Cauldron by herself. But it was cold, even though the sun was shining above her, and she had never been very good with directions. So after a few minutes of wandering and trying to come up with a way that she could safely travel to the Leaky Cauldron, it hit her.

The Knight Bus.

Okay, so maybe _safe_ wasn't exactly the best way to describe it, but it was one of the safest ways, since she couldn't apparate. And it was bound to upset her stomach, but she had some extra anti-nausea potion in her bag that she could use.

She had ridden the Knight Bus only once before, when she was with Marlene. They'd still been underage then, so they had had no way of getting back to her house at all. It wasn't Lily's favorite method of transportation, but it was better than riding with Vernon and Petunia. So she stuck her arm out over the street and just as she was losing hope that it would show up (about 15 seconds later), the Knight Bus zoomed up to her.

"Sorry for the delay, love," an elderly man said to her as the door opened. "We were over in Scotland." The man was evidently from Scotland based on his accent. "Underage, are you?"

"No," Lily said. "Pregnant, actually."

The man made a face as he helped her onto the bus. "That certainly is an emergency. What has this world come to…?" He started grumbling about the good old days when he went to Hogwarts.

Lily glanced around to see what her company was. A small group of underage wizards sat under a large chandelier hanging precariously from the ceiling. Behind them were a few occupied beds with elderly and sick passengers. There were also a couple of shady looking figures at the back. Lily made a mental note to avoid them. These days, shady looking figures were not the people you wanted to befriend.

"What's your name, love?" the man finally asked.

"Lily Evans," she responded calmly.

"And where are you looking to go, Lily Evans?"

"The Leaky Cauldron?"

The man nodded. "That's easy. Next stop will be the Leaky Cauldron. Let's go!" he shouted to the driver.

Lily took that as her cue to dash to a seat near the front and pull her potion out of her bag.

And she certainly needed that potion. This trip seemed to be twenty times worse than the last one she had been on. Maybe it was the pregnancy thing, but they were squeezing into holes that didn't exist, making 180 degree turns in the blink of an eye, skidding through lights, darting among people, cars, other buses, and bicycles.

Lily really thought she was going to be sick.

Luckily, they were already in London, so it was only a few moments of torture before the bus pulled to a stop in front of the Leaky Cauldron and Lily stood up and got out, along with the group of underage wizards. They looked really excited to be going to Diagon Alley all by themselves. The way they pushed each other around and laughed when their pushed friends stumbled reminded her a little bit of the Marauders, and it reminded her just how much they had grown up over the past few years.

That was when she noticed that one of the boys was wearing a Slytherin scarf.

Now she was wondering where they would be in a few years.

But she pushed that thought (and her own prejudices) aside and walked into the Leaky Cauldron. Luckily, Marlene was already sitting there, waiting for her. She sat at a table next to a couple of centaurs.

That was one of the things Lily loved about the Leaky Cauldron.

Lily slid into the chair opposite her friend, whose blue eyes were shining even more brightly than usual.

"How's Katherine doing?" Lily asked immediately.

"Katherine, she's fine. But me, I'm great. I just met a guy," Marlene sang.

Lily raised an eyebrow and laughed at Marlene.

"Alright, fine, that was a tad insensitive. She, um," Marlene dropped her voice to a whisper and leaned in, "She was injured in a battle, but the Healers have her back on her feet, and she's right back to being the Katherine we all know and love. Really, she told me this morning that I should retake my OWLs next month because apparently you can do that and apparently I didn't do well enough the first time or something?" Marlene rolled her eyes. "I don't know, she's ridiculous, really."

Lily smiled. "That's good. I was worried about her, and I know you were, too." She paused for a long second then laughed. "Alright, alright, tell me about the guy."

Marlene practically burst at those words. "Okay, so I was sitting here waiting for you, and you took forever by the way, and there was this guy sitting over there also waiting for someone. And he was really cute, and he looked kind of familiar. And after a bit, he walked over and sat down next to me." There was a huge smile plastered on Marlene's face. "And it turns out he's a Ravenclaw that graduated two years ago, that's where I knew him from. And we started talking and we exchanged names so we can write to each other, and he said if I'm around at the end of this week, we should meet up here again. And oh my MERLIN, Lily, he was so cute!" Marlene dropped her head into her hands and stared across the room as though he would appear there out of nowhere. Which was technically possible.

"Wow, Lene, that's great?" Lily said, laughing once more at her friend's face.

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Whatever, wanna go? I don't have a single present for anyone, so I need to get some serious shopping done."

"Not even my present?" Lily asked, holding a hand to her chest, feigning hurt.

"Funny," Marlene replied. They started to walk through the Leaky Cauldron to the entrance to Diagon Alley. "Ooh, how did dinner with your dad go last night?"

Lily sighed. "A lot better than I thought it was going to go. James thinks I baby Dad, but whatever. He was actually surprisingly cool about it."

"It's James now, eh?" Marlene teased as she tapped her wand against the brick wall.

Lily pursed her lips. "Sometimes. Speaking of, I may be heading over to his place later, but I'm not really sure. I should probably contact him some way…"

And there it was: Diagon Alley. In all its majesty, with all of the shops that Lily had learned to love over the past seven years. All offering their unique gems that made the cobble-stoned street come to life. It was only a bit after one in the afternoon, so Lily expected it to be more crowded, especially Christmas week, but it was surprisingly empty. There were only a few couples wandering around the entrance to the Alley. The emptiness didn't really subtract from the feeling of the place, though. In fact, it was kind of nice to be there when there weren't kids running around everywhere collecting supplies for Hogwarts.

"You'll probably be able to use a fireplace somewhere," Marlene said.

"Hmm?" Lily responded. She had completely spaced out staring at the scene before her.

Marlene laughed. "James. Potter. Remember him?"

"Oh, yeah, we'll do that later, but for now… Come on!" Lily practically skipped down the alley, dragging Marlene behind her.

* * *

They spent a wonderful day going in and out of almost every store on the alley, finding the most bizarre, the most amazing, and the most delicious things that Diagon Alley had to offer. They grabbed items off the shelves for this person and that person, people that they hadn't even intended to buy things for, but they couldn't just leave this object here. Shopping here was so much better than shopping in Hogsmeade. They had worn Hogsmeade out years before, but somehow Diagon Alley always had something to offer.

It had started to snow halfway through the afternoon, which only made the alley look more beautiful. Lily had always imagined that snow was magical when she was younger.

Finally, they decided to return to the Leaky Cauldron so that Lily could contact James. She had to pay two knuts to use it, but that wasn't too bad.

She knelt and stuck her head into the fireplace. She didn't think she would ever get over how strange and unnatural it felt to do that. Suddenly she was seeing into another room. It wasn't clear, but it was a large, extravagant room, one that she would have expected James Potter to live in.

"Potter?" she called out. "James? Sirius? Anyone?"

Finally, a house elf appeared in front of her. "Are you looking for someone, miss?" the house-elf said timidly.

"Yes, I'm looking for James Potter. Is he there?"

The house-elf bowed his head. "Yes, miss. I will go call him." The house-elf slipped out of sight.

Lily waited for a few minutes, and then Potter slid in front of the fireplace. He knelt down. "Lily? What's going on? Did you get my owl?" He ran a hand through his hair.

"No, I didn't. I'm in Diagon Alley. I wanted to see if you were expecting me tonight, actually." This wasn't awkward at all, Lily tried to convince herself.

"Yeah, if it works for you, tonight would be great. Do you want me to come pick you up through Floo maybe? We'll meet at the Leaky Cauldron in about an hour?" James offered.

"Yeah, that would be good. I'll see you in a bit."

"Great."

Lily pulled her head back out of the fireplace and rubbed her eyes as they readjusted to the light.

"Well?" Marlene prompted as Lily walked back to their table.

"He's going to meet me here in an hour. And then I get to have dinner with his mother," Lily said, not sure why she was nervous at this prospect. "Why am I nervous about this?" she asked Marlene as she sat back down.

"Don't be nervous. Mrs. Potter is really wonderful. I've met her a couple times, you know, she's friends with my parents," Marlene assured her. "But, come on, Lils. You faced your dad last night. You can tell Mrs. Potter. She can't exactly ground you or anything." Marlene laughed, trying to soothe Lily, but it didn't really work. Lily was still nervous, and she wasn't even sure why.

Lily smiled anyway. "Yeah, you're right. Have you heard from any of the other girls? They all made it home safely, I assume."

"Beth sent me a letter last night because she forgot what the potions homework was. She said it's quite frigid up north. But other than that, I haven't heard anything." Marlene paused. "Was that a generic traveling question, or a war-prompted question?"

Lily shrugged. "Both, I suppose."

Marlene huffed. "We're in some seriously deep shite right now, aren't we?"

Lily nodded. "Yeah, I think that's a good way to describe it."


	13. Chapter 13

James showed up about an hour later and greeted her with a huge smile. "Ready for telling the parents round two?"

"Oh, it just makes my day," Lily responded.

"How are you doing, Marlene?" he asked, turning to her.

"Brilliant, but I must be going now. Goodbye, friends," she sang, before hugging Lily and heading out into Muggle London.

"She's crazy," Lily told him.

James smiled. "Have you met Sirius?" he countered. "Speaking of Sirius, he is very excited to see you tonight. And if he mentions anything about being a godfather, you have my permission to ignore him completely."

Lily laughed and they returned to the fireplace. "He wants to be the godfather?" She thought about it for a moment. "We'll talk about it."

James raised his eyebrows incredulously. They had arrived at the fireplace though, so he turned to her and said, "Alright, just say Potter Manor and step through."

"Your home would be called Potter Manor."

James made a face and she quickly grabbed some Floo Powder and stepped into the fireplace. "Potter Manor!" she said loudly.

Two uncomfortable seconds later, she was falling down into the room that she had peered through the fireplace through before. She stood up, shook the ash off of her clothes, and waited for James to emerge, which he did a moment later with a loud cough.

"Is that my second favorite ginger?" a voice called, followed by Sirius bouncing into the room less than a second after they had emerged from the fireplace.

"Second?" Lily inquired as she handed James her coat and took off her shoes.

"Sirius Black, you cannot be implying that you still consider me to be a redhead," another voice called through the door from which Sirius had entered.

Sirius winked at Lily as the woman who Lily could only assume was James' mother walked into the room. She wasn't a redhead, but Lily could see that she might have been at one point. Her hair was a soft white and her face was slightly wrinkled and pleasant. She looked older than was normal for a woman who had a teenage child, but Lily remembered from seeing Mr. Potter's picture in the paper after his death that he had been old too, probably even older than Mrs. Potter.

Mrs. Potter smiled kindly as she walked into the room. "Is this the famous Lily Evans, then?" She glanced at her son. "James, don't even think about stepping into my living room with those ashy shoes on."

James rolled his eyes and took his shoes off.

"Famous, eh?" Lily asked, glancing back at James. "But, yes, that would be me. Thank you so much for having me over for dinner tonight, Mrs. Potter."

"Oh, please call me Grace." She eyed a chair next to her and then slowly sunk into it. Lily realized that she was weaker than she had expected. "James said he was picking you up from Diagon Alley, yes? How was the Alley today? My boys haven't taken me there in a while."

"It was beautiful. I don't think I've ever been before while it was snowing…" Lily trailed off thoughtfully. Lily didn't mention how it had felt a little bit eerily empty.

Sirius walked over to the fireplace and looked at the bags Lily had deposited there when she had come in. "Is my present here? Can I open it now?"

"Manners, Sirius," Grace chided.

Sirius frowned. "Fine. I told Remus I would have a bit of a fireside chat with him tonight, so I'll be collecting my hot chocolate and heading off to do that. Have a nice dinner. See you at school, Lily." He nodded at her, and after he was out of Grace's eyesight, he winked at her.

Grace smiled fondly after him. "Dinner should be almost ready. Shall we go see?"

When neither of the other two objected, she started trying to stand. James rushed over to help her to her feet. "I'm okay, James, I'm okay," she said. He stepped back, hands still slightly extended, and she pushed down on the arms of the chair to hoist herself onto her feet. She turned her slight grimace into a smile and said, "See? I'm fine."

"Sure," James said under his breath as she walked away.

"The boys really have told me all about you, Lily," Grace said as she led them down a long, impressive hallway with portraits and magnificent paintings lining the walls.

"Mum, please."

She smiled and continued anyway. "Yes, I think I've been receiving yearly Lily Evans updates for about the past seven years."

Lily hoped her shock at this comment wasn't too evident on her face. Why had James been telling his mother about her? She had never mentioned him to her parents, no matter how big the fights that they got in were. Had he told her about all of those fights? Had he told her about how he practically harassed her for a few years?

Did James telling his mother all of this stuff mean that he really did care about her?

That was a really scary thought. She had always brushed his previous obsession with her off as his wanting what he couldn't have. All of the other girls at Hogwarts would have been happy to get with the Quidditch star. Even Marlene had had a major crush on him in fourth year. Lily had been the stubborn, unattainable prize. If that was all, though, why would he have told his mother about her?

"Definitely not all seven," James finally murmured.

"And now we finally get to meet," Grace said, her smile widening. She looked between the pair as though she expected them to be jumping on top of each other, just as Lily's dad had. "But, you know, why don't we pretend that we don't know anything about each other and get to really know one another, yes?"

Lily smiled back at her. "Sounds good to me." Because, to be honest, she didn't really know much about Grace Potter. It wasn't as though James had been giving her updates on his mother when he had been teasing her and hitting on her for the majority of their Hogwarts career. And even now, the relationships they had with their family members and such was not really the top thing on Lily and James' list of things they should discuss. She had heard some stuff about Grace during patrols the past few months, but she doubted it was as much as Grace had heard the past few years.

Lily resisted the sigh that wanted to escape through her lips, knowing that would be rude. But even though she had just arrived at the Potter residence, she could already tell that she was in for a long night.

* * *

"So, Lily, how has your last year at Hogwarts been going?" Grace asked. They were in the middle of their meal and Lily was starting to see what Marlene had meant about Grace. She seemed like she was around the same age as McGonagall, maybe a bit younger, but while McGonagall had apparently become more severe with age, Grace had become a bit absentminded. But she was really nice, and she had very strong opinions about current issues, and though Lily had just met her, she could tell that she really put thought into these opinions. Lily felt as though she had learned more in an hour than she had in weeks.

Lily bit her lip. "It's, uh… been a little bit different than I was expecting. I don't know how I'm going to leave, really."

"And have you enjoyed being a Head Girl with James?"

Lily smiled and looked over at James. "I was a bit shocked when I found out that he was going to be Head with me, but it's actually gone pretty well."

"Thanks for that loud approval," James scoffed.

"I haven't gotten any letters home this year about James breaking anything really expensive yet, so I take that as a good sign. It's the first year…" Grace smiled affectionately.

Lily laughed. "That's a very impressive accomplishment, James."

He nodded. "It's pretty much made my year."

"How has your year been going, James?" Grace asked. "Sirius didn't give you much of a chance to answer last night." Grace turned to Lily. "Sirius tends to be the more vocal of my sons." She winked.

Lily giggled. "I can certainly imagine that."

"Actually, Mum, there is something that I have to tell you," James said.

Grace gave a small cough into her napkin and then looked up at her son expectantly, with an eyebrow slightly raised.

James took a deep breath. "We're having a baby."

There wasn't even a second of silence, then Grace laughed. "Who? You and Sirius? Come on, James," she said.

James shook his head. "No, Mum. Lily's pregnant. We're having a baby."

Grace looked between both of them slowly and put her utensils down. "That's not funny, James. It's really not funny."

"It's not a joke, Mum."

"For Merlin's sake, I thought… I thought…" She pushed her chair back abruptly, scratching the legs of the chair on the wood floor. "I must excuse myself, I'm afraid. It was nice meeting you, Lily Evans."

She rose shakily to her feet and stumbled across the room.

"Mum, at least take a house-elf with you," James said. She ignored him. "Effie!" he hollered.

A small house-elf appeared from the door to the kitchen. "Yes, Master James?" she said softly. Lily realized that it was the house-elf that she had seen in the fireplace earlier.

"Please take Mum up to her room," he replied.

The house-elf nodded kindly. "Yes, Master James."

Both Grace and Effie disappeared up the staircase so that James and Lily were left sitting in the hollow room at the empty dinner table.

"I'm sorry…" Lily started to say.

"It's not your fault," James interrupted quickly. "Round two just didn't go as well as round one. She'll come around, don't worry. She just…" James sighed and closed his eyes. "I hate that I have to put this burden on her right now."

Lily tentatively put a hand on his back. "It'll be okay."

"But it wasn't supposed to happen this way!" James exclaimed, raising his voice a bit. "You weren't supposed to get bloody pregnant, not yet. You were supposed to realize that you liked me, we were supposed to get married, this bloody fucking war was supposed to end, and _then_ you were supposed to get pregnant. Not now. Not when we were still at Hogwarts."

The emotion in his words, the amount that he wanted this impossible future, the amount that he wanted her to agree… it scared Lily to hell. She stared at him for a long moment, and he stared right back, like he could see everything that was inside of her.

And that scared her so much.

She rose awkwardly. "I have to go." She walked over to the fireplace quickly, feeling a little bit blind, stumbling a bit.

"Lily, no…"

"I'm sorry," she said softly, and she stepped into the fireplace, saying the name of Mary's house before she had even thought about where she was going.

When Mary found Lily crying in her fireplace, she was completely bewildered. But Lily told her everything – _everything_ – and they called Lily's dad to tell him she would be spending the night at Mary's, and they spent the whole night talking and crying and sometimes even laughing.

* * *

 **Hey, friends. Hope everything's going well. I'm back at school now, which means updates might be a little more sporadic, but updating is also a great way to procrastinate, so maybe not. We shall see...**

 **xoxo**


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